Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #21 — Hardened Heart

Picture: Counsel #21 — Hardened Heart CR 379.1

Sometimes, unforgiveness can feel justified when you’ve been wronged. When a friend betrays your trust, or a family member cuts you off, you may tell yourself, “They don’t deserve my forgiveness,” or “I’m just protecting my heart.” In reality, holding on to grudges in unforgiveness doesn’t actually protect you. It poisons you. CR 379.2

Medical research shows that chronic unforgiveness increases stress hormones, which can weaken your immune system and make you more vulnerable to illness. Holding on to hate in your heart for someone is also linked to higher blood pressure, heart disease, headaches, back pain, insomnia, digestive issues, and even weakened memory over time. Spiritually, it’s even more dangerous! Because you can’t hold on to bitterness and fully embrace God’s grace at the same time, unforgiveness directly blocks intimacy with Him. As expected, a weak relationship with God will lead to an unfulfilled life, where spiritual purpose is never found. As believers, Jesus calls us to forgive not because it’s easy, but because it’s freeing. It may be a process, but every step toward forgiveness is one more step toward permanent healing.^[400] CR 379.3

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 NIV CR 379.4

“We are not forgiven because we forgive, but as we forgive.” Ellen White in The Faith I Live By, p. 131 CR 379.5

Reflect: When you hold grudges, do you experience physical or mental ailments? CR 379.6