Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #22 — “NoT-Sorry” Forgiveness

Picture: Counsel #22 — “NoT-Sorry” Forgiveness CR 380.1

It’s one thing to forgive someone who comes to you with tears in their eyes, admitting they’ve hurt you. It’s another thing entirely to extend forgiveness to a person who refuses to acknowledge they’ve done anything wrong. That lack of remorse or accountability can feel like salt in an open wound. CR 380.2

The truth is that forgiveness in God’s Kingdom isn’t about excusing bad behavior. It’s about releasing yourself from the grip of bitterness. Jesus modeled this perfectly on the cross. As He was beaten, spat on, and mocked, He prayed for the forgiveness of His persecutors. The offenders weren’t asking for forgiveness. They weren’t even sorry! Yet, Jesus chose in His heart to release them from the debt. “Not-sorry” forgiveness doesn’t mean trust is restored or boundaries just disappear. It simply means you are actively refusing to let someone’s unrepentance control your peace. It’s shifting your focus from waiting on them to change to trusting God to heal your heart. When you choose to forgive without an apology, you place the matter in God’s hands — the one and only Judge.^[401] CR 380.3

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34 NIV CR 380.4

“We are to have a spirit of compassion toward those who have trespassed against us, whether or not they confess their faults.” Ellen White in Prayer, p. 297 CR 380.5

Reflect: What might God be able to heal in you if you chose to forgive without waiting for an apology? CR 380.6