Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #20 — Cycle of Negativity

Picture: Counsel #20 — Cycle of Negativity CR 283.1

Being in a committed relationship isn’t always easy, especially when differences get in the way. These bouts of conflict often start small — a sharp response, a sarcastic tone, a sigh of frustration (let’s not forget “eye-rolling”) — and before long, you’re exchanging criticisms like a tennis match, each comment harder than the last. When this happens, it’s easy to forget that you’re on the same team. CR 283.2

Keep in mind that when conflict turns into a pattern of verbal attacks, it’s no longer healthy communication. While it may feel like you’re “just being honest,” unchecked negativity can slowly fracture emotional safety. Whenever you’re in the thick of a heated argument, remember that it takes two people to volley, but it only takes one to stop. Emotional maturity is when a person realizes that pausing, breathing, and seeking God’s wisdom on how to respond will yield much better results than spouting another “comeback.” Scripture reminds us that words carry power: to build or to break, and relationships anchored to Christ will always fare better than those anchored to the flesh.^[300] CR 283.3

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalms 141:3 NIV CR 283.4

“We are not to be thoughtless or careless in speech, hurting one another by unkind words…” Ellen White in In Heavenly Places, p. 182 CR 283.5

Reflect: Are your words becoming weapons or tools for restoration during conflict? CR 283.6