Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #15 — Pretender

Picture: Counsel #15 — Pretender CR 278.1

In life, there are two different types of people: those that make their feelings known if they’re wronged, and those that keep their feelings inside to avoid conflict. No matter which personality group you relate to more, the truth is that pretending everything is fine doesn’t make it fine. As much as you may want to, relationship issues can’t be wished away. CR 278.2

In many abusive relationships, the victim often shelters within a façade of relational joy, making others think they’re happy, safe, and well taken care of. This is called toxic positivity.^[295] It’s also shown when one or both people ignore issues in the relationship, cover everything in a fake smile, and hope things just “get better on their own.” In these types of marriages, you may hear things like, “Let’s not dwell on the negative,” or “It’s not that serious; we’re good, right?” Spiritually, God didn’t create relationships to be fake-safe zones. He calls us to truth and love, so if you notice any sign of toxicity in your marriage, go to God for clarity and discernment regarding next steps. No matter what lie the enemy tries to whisper in your ear, that next step with God will be completely freeing. CR 278.3

“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Proverbs 24:26 NIV CR 278.4

“Evil angels are upon our track every moment…” Ellen White in Christian Service, p. 81 CR 278.5

Reflect: Are you truly happy in your marriage, or just pretending? CR 278.6