Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #11 — Blame-Shifting

Picture: Counsel #11 — Blame-Shifting CR 274.1

As difficult as it is to wait for the “perfect match,” it’s even harder to build a relationship with someone who refuses to take responsibility. Whenever your partner blames you for every problem - whether it’s a disagreement, a misunderstanding, or even their own mistakes — it will create a cycle of guilt and shame that you don’t deserve. CR 274.2

You might hear things like, “You’re too sensitive,” “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way,” or “You’re always the one starting fights.” When someone never says, “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry,” they lack emotional and spiritual maturity. The problem is as old as Earth — dating back to our first parents, Adam and Eve. As imperfect humans, taking accountability for our actions, or lack thereof, is crucial for spiritual and emotional growth. God calls us to be honest, humble, and willing to admit when we fall short - that’s how forgiveness and restoration happen. A healthy give-and-take marriage means both people take turns reflecting, owning up to mistakes, and becoming better versions of themselves, day by day.^[291] CR 274.3

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 NIV CR 274.4

“God holds every one of us to an individual accountability…” Ellen White in Christian Service, p. 86 CR 274.5

Reflect: Does your partner admit fault when they’re wrong, or always shift the blame to you? Do you take responsibility for your actions? CR 274.6