Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #25 — On Intimate Terms

Picture: Counsel #25 — On Intimate Terms CR 259.1

Let’s be clear: marital status does not equal unlimited access. Consent, dignity, and mutual love matter just as much inside marriage as they do outside of it. A spouse should never demand sexual intimacy without regard for the other’s will, comfort, or emotional state. If they do, it’s a sign that they’re ruled by their flesh and not the Spirit. CR 259.2

In a marriage, God designed sexual intimacy to be a beautiful expression of love and oneness, not to be used as a weapon, bargaining tool, or a form of control, either by demanding it or withholding it. According to culture, marriage gives you the right to expect sex at any time, but this is not biblical. Sickness, exhaustion, emotional issues, and other things can prevent a person from wanting intimacy, and in these cases, sex shouldn’t be forced. The Bible teaches that marriage is never one-sided, and Paul also notes that abstaining should only happen by mutual agreement, for prayer or illness, not as a power play. At the end of the day, sex is not about control. It’s about covenant.^[277] CR 259.3

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:3 NIV CR 259.4

“Marriage has received Christ’s sanction and blessing and is to be regarded as a sacred institution.” Ellen White in In Heavenly Places, p. 202 CR 259.5

Reflect: Is intimacy in your marriage an act of love, or a means of control? CR 259.6