Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #24 — Forgiveness

Picture: Counsel #24 — Forgiveness CR 258.1

Have you ever done something you knew you shouldn’t have, but still did it anyway? Face it — we’ve all been there! Humans are constantly faced with making choices between right and wrong, but even when you make the wrong choice, what happens after? When you are sorry, do you feel forgiven or guilty? Could you imagine making a mistake, asking God for forgiveness, and then He says, “No. I won’t forgive you.” CR 258.2

Just as every Christian can expect forgiveness from God with true repentance, so we must forgive, regardless of whether the person who hurt us does or doesn’t offer a genuine apology. Forgiveness is more about your own state of mind than letting the other person “off the hook.” It sets you free from resentment that poisons and embitters your heart. Yet forgiveness doesn’t automatically mean reconciliation. If the offense involved physical violence, verbal abuse, or any other detrimental actions, God doesn’t require you to go back to that dangerous relationship. Reconciliation, especially in marriage, requires safety, accountability, and evidence of change. The only expectation is to forgive that person through the Holy Spirit’s power, pray for them, and move on. Before allowing someone back into your space, look for their actions to match their words, and pray for God to guide your steps.^[276] CR 258.3

“Be kind and compassionate… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 NIV CR 258.4

“Jesus teaches that we can receive forgiveness from God only as we forgive others.” Ellen White in Prayer, p. 297 CR 258.5

Reflect: Do you hold grudges more often than extending forgiveness? CR 258.6