Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #21 — In Control

Picture: Counsel #21 — In Control CR 255.1

During the ministry of Jesus, we see that He never led through fear or coercion. Though He carried all authority in heaven and on earth, He invited people to hear the gospel, rather than imposing it on them. In His example, we see that real love never suffocates free will. CR 255.2

In contrast, controlling behavior in marriage will always distort love and damage trust. For example, when one partner begins monitoring the other’s phone, dictating their clothing choices, limiting contact with friends, or insisting on total oversight of schedules and decisions, the marriage will become defined through fear and power, not freedom and partnership. While these actions are often disguised as concern, with many aggressor partners saying things like, “I just want to protect you,” or “I know what’s best for you,” they usually reflect deeper insecurity and a desire to dominate rather than serve. In a Christ-centered marriage, communication is vital, but it should never become permission-seeking, so if you recognize these patterns in yourself, the next step is to repent and surrender to Christ. If you are the one being controlled, seek God’s counsel for a clear and safe way out.^[272] CR 255.3

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Galatians 5:1 NIV CR 255.4

“Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership.” Ellen White in The Adventist Home, p. 106 CR 255.5

Reflect: What freedoms in your marriage are restricted, if any at all? CR 255.6