Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #20 — Destructive Dishonesty

Picture: Counsel #20 — Destructive Dishonesty CR 254.1

A marriage without truth is like a house with no foundation. Eventually, it will collapse under the weight of secrecy. It’s important to understand that honesty isn’t just about telling the truth when you’re caught. It’s about building a life of transparency where your spouse never has to wonder who you really are or what you’re actually doing when they’re not by your side.^[269] This level of transparency means your spouse will never have to worry about you having an emotional or physical affair.^[270] CR 254.2

In relationships, lying takes many forms - blatant deception, half-truths, rationalized excuses, or conveniently omitted details. Even though the forms differ, every lie, no matter how small, will ruin the foundation of your marriage - the trust your intimacy depends on will be shattered. Over time, those cracks will widen into emotional distance, isolation, and consistent suspicion.^[271] Spiritually, the biblical response to wrongdoing isn’t denial or justification. It’s confession and repentance. God calls us to walk in the light, so when you own your sin without excuses, you can begin to open the door for healing and reconciliation. Not just with your spouse, but with God too. In addition, transparency also means telling the truth about your struggles, so invite your spouse to pray with you about your insecurities and mistakes. CR 254.3

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16 NIV CR 254.4

“There is absolutely no safeguard against evil but truth.” Ellen White in God’s Amazing Grace, p. 30 CR 254.5

Reflect: How many things are you hiding in your marriage, and why? CR 254.6