Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #19 — All About Me

Picture: Counsel #19 — All About Me CR 253.1

What if the real barrier in your relationship isn’t miscommunication, but a refusal to see your own reflection clearly? If you can never accept blame, frequently demean your spouse, struggle to show empathy, manipulate conversations to center on your own needs, or minimize your partner’s emotions, these may be signs of narcissism — a deeply-rooted spiritual problem defined by pride and self-worship.^[268] CR 253.2

Unchecked narcissism will always poison a marriage — there’s really no way around it. While many people may display occasional selfishness from time to time in marriage, persistent patterns like gaslighting, blame-shifting, emotional coldness, or inflated self-image signal a deeper issue. The Bible directly warns us against prideful hearts and calls us instead to reflect the selfless, servant-hearted love of Christ. Additionally, Scripture speaks directly to the dangers of narcissism and pride: it precedes destruction and hardens the heart. God does not honor self-exaltation, and without the transforming power of Jesus, narcissism never ends. No matter how much you may try to change your narcissistic partner, only Christ can change the heart. CR 253.3

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalms 51:10 NIV CR 253.4

“Sin originated in self-seeking.” Ellen White in The Desire of Ages, p. 21 CR 253.5

Reflect: Do you dismiss your spouse’s emotions, needs, or opinions because they differ from your own, or challenge your self-image? CR 253.6