Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #13 — Proper Communication

Picture: Counsel #13 — Proper Communication CR 247.1

When emotions run high, words can either extinguish fires or start them. Yelling, name-calling, sarcasm, or profanity might feel like outlets in the moment, but they will always leave lasting damage. No matter how frustrated you feel, you’re still responsible for how you speak to the one you promised to love. CR 247.2

In healthy marriages, conflict doesn’t mean cruelty. Due to living in a sinful world, anger is expected. Even so, rage, disrespect, and verbal attacks are never justified. The Bible teaches us to speak to everyone with love, to be slow to anger, and to use our words to bring healing, not harm. When engaging in an argument with your spouse, it’s important to remember that communication isn’t one-size-fits-all. Cultural and family backgrounds often shape how we express ourselves. For example, your spouse may come from a culture where being blunt is the best way to get a point across. On the other hand, you may be more closed off, avoiding conflict every chance you get. Understanding these differences can prevent miscommunication and give God more space to guide the outcome.^[262] CR 247.3

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 NIV CR 247.4

“There is to be no sharp speaking, no fretful scolding, for angels of God are walking up and down in every room.” Ellen White in In Heavenly Places, p. 182 CR 247.5

Reflect: Do you try to deescalate fights with your spouse? CR 247.6