Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #14 — Care vs. Control

Picture: Counsel #14 — Care vs. Control CR 161.1

When someone really loves you, they won’t make you feel guilty for seeing your family or slowly pressure you to distance yourself from your closest friends. Unhealthy jealousy might look like concern at first, but over time, you’ll notice that you’ve shrunken your world just to keep the peace. CR 161.2

The first thing to understand is that this is not love. It’s control disguised as care. A godly partner will encourage your healthy connections, not compete with them. Instead of keeping you away from your loved ones, they’ll celebrate your friendships, support your family ties, and be secure enough to trust you and your decision making. Love doesn’t box you in, so don’t ignore the warning signs of possessiveness. If you feel smaller, lonelier, or cut off from the people who matter most to you, step back and ask: Is this really love, or is it fear wearing a mask? A real soulmate will protect your freedom, not take it away.^[168] CR 161.3

“[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV CR 161.4

“God made from the man a woman, to be a companion and help-meet for him, to be one with him....” Ellen White in In Heavenly Place, p. 202 CR 161.5

Reflect: Are you shrinking parts of your life to keep the peace? CR 161.6