Counsels on Relationships
Counsel #12 — Constructive, not Condescending
Picture: Counsel #12 — Constructive, not Condescending CR 14.1
Whenever helping someone improve, whether with work or in beating a bad habit, offering constructive criticism is the best way to offer feedback without casting judgment.5 CR 14.2
Before giving constructive criticism, it is important to first acknowledge what the person is doing well. By expressing appreciation for their efforts and the value they bring, they’ll be more receptive to your suggested changes. Additionally, it’s important to remain focused on the issue needing improvement, not the person. Avoid harsh language or personal attacks on their character as this will only offend them. For example, your alcoholic friend has been clean and sober for two years but recently slipped up and drank. Berating them for falling will only make them feel shame and discouragement, and that you aren’t a safe person to share their struggles with. Instead, encourage them using words like, “You must have been really triggered to drink. But you don’t have to do it again. Your two years of sobriety prove Jesus can help you overcome this! Can I do anything to help you get back on track?” Responding like this brings hope, encouragement, and support into what likely feels crushing to your friend. Offer to pray with them, giving God access to their situation. Our words hold power, so always use them to strengthen faith and fuel growth. CR 14.3
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 NIV CR 14.4
“We have no time to praise the devil, no time nor voice to criticize.” Ellen White in The Upward Look , p. 239 CR 14.5
Reflect: How do you react when someone gives you constructive criticism? CR 14.6