Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #16 — Before the Vows

Picture: Counsel #16 — Before the Vows CR 114.1

Living together before marriage is a decision that carries significant relational, emotional, and spiritual implications. While society views cohabitation as a practical step for testing compatibility, it’s essential to consider its potential effects on the relationship and alignment with God’s design for marriage. CR 114.2

Living with your partner before a marital covenant can create an environment where commitment and boundaries are unclear. For example, a couple might decide to move in together to "test the waters," believing it will prepare them for marriage. Over time, one partner might feel they’re already fulfilling the responsibilities of marriage without formal commitment, leading them to resent the other if the same level of sacrifice is not reflected. Additionally, if conflicts arise—such as disagreements over finances or household responsibilities—these challenges may feel heavier because the couple lacks the security of a marital covenant to navigate them. If the relationship ends, the process of dividing belongings or breaking a lease can mimic the emotional toll of a divorce without the legal or spiritual commitment aspect, further emphasizing the value of waiting to live together until marriage.¹⁰ CR 114.3

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Matthew 19:5 NIV CR 114.4

“But there were a few that did righteousness, who feared and honored their Creator.” Ellen White in Conflict and Courage, p. 36 CR 114.5

Reflect: How does the Bible's teachings on marriage and sexuality inform your understanding of the potential spiritual implications of cohabitation? CR 114.6