Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #22 — Apologizing and Forgiving

Picture: Counsel #22 — Apologizing and Forgiving CR 285.1

You’ve probably heard that forgiveness is essential to any relationship, and that’s true, but so is apologizing. What happens though when one person is always first to say, “I’m sorry,” even when they’re not entirely at fault? Or, what if apologizing is used to keep the peace out of fear of consistent conflict? CR 285.2

At the end of the day, apologizing and forgiveness in a healthy relationship flow both directions. If one partner constantly absorbs the blame for every misunderstanding, they will start to feel like they’re the problem, leading to lower self-esteem and emotional frustration. Apologizing just to avoid conflict may feel like a shortcut to peace, but in reality, it builds quiet resentment and deprives the relationship of growth. As Christians, Jesus calls us to forgive others no matter how many times they offend us. (The inference in Luke 17:4 is to forgive even if the offender is not sorry!). We’re also called to walk in truth. This means recognizing when you’re wrong and taking full accountability for your actions by apologizing and choosing not to repeat the offense. Give and take in a marriage will only work when both partners are honest and willing to learn from their mistakes, reflecting Christ in every word and action.^[302] CR 285.3

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16 NIV CR 285.4

“We can receive forgiveness from God only as we forgive others.” Ellen White in Prayer, p. 297 CR 285.5

Reflect: Are you apologizing from a place of love and accountability, or just to keep the peace? CR 285.6