Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #9 — Loving Independence

Picture: Counsel #9 — Loving Independence CR 243.1

When two people marry, it’s normal to want to spend as much time together as possible. The “honeymoon phase” is a real thing, but as years pass, each person may desire more independence and alone time outside of each other’s company. Needing space doesn’t mean something’s wrong. In fact, loving someone deeply includes respecting their need for time to reflect and rest. CR 243.2

In healthy marriages, closeness and freedom can exist side by side. One partner may need a walk to clear their head, and the other may enjoy a solo hobby or time with friends. Giving each other that space without accusations or suspicion is an act of emotional maturity. Think about it: even Jesus valued solitude, often to spend time in prayer. He wasn’t avoiding His disciples; He was renewing His strength. Likewise, personal time allows both partners to avoid smothering one another, which often leads to emotional burnout, resentment, and eventually, distance. CR 243.3

While personal space is vital, a marriage thrives on shared experiences and connection. If too much time is spent solo, it can lead to emotional disconnect and a sense of growing apart. The goal is to find a healthy balance where individual needs are met without sacrificing the intimacy and partnership that are the foundation of a strong marriage.^[258] CR 243.4

“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16 NIV CR 243.5

“He continued to exclude himself at certain periods from all society.” Ellen White in Prayer, p. 123 CR 243.6

Reflect: Are you offering your partner the space they need, and embracing your own? CR 243.7