基督徒经验谈
心灵上的痛苦
以前我从未在公众面前作过祷告，而且在祷告会里也只怯怯地说过几句。现在我受了感动，觉得我应当在人数不多的见证聚会中，藉着祈祷寻求上帝。我不敢这样作，惟恐临时慌乱，无法表达自己的心意。但这种责任是那么强烈地压在我的心上，甚至我何时尝试作私自祷告，就觉得好象是在亵慢上帝一样，因为我没有顺从他的旨意。从此我被绝望悲观所压倒，以致三个星期之久没有一线光明穿透那围绕我的幽暗。 CET 24.1
我心志上的痛苦非常剧烈。有时我整夜不敢合眼，直等我孪生姊妹已经睡熟，我就悄悄地下床来跪在地板上，默默祈求，心里有无可言喻的痛苦。地狱里永火焚烧的惨景常在我的眼前出现。我知道长此下去，我是不能再活了；可是我又不敢死，惟恐遭遇那罪人可怕的劫运。这时我对于那些承认自己已蒙上帝悦纳的人，真是何等的羡慕！在我痛苦的心灵看来，基督徒的希望该是何等的宝贵啊！ CET 24.2
我屡次几乎整夜地跪祷，叹息而且颤抖，有难以言宣的痛苦，也有无法形容的绝望。我祈祷说：“主啊，开恩可怜我！”正如那可怜的税吏一般，连举目望天也不敢，只是把脸俯伏在地上。我的身体消瘦，气力衰弱，然而我却没有对人提说自己的痛苦与绝望。 CET 24.3
1894
CET
基督徒经验谈
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