Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 10 (1895)

Lt 22a, 1895

Davis, Marian

Hobart, Tasmania

November 29, 1895

Portions of this letter are published in FBS 53-54; 7MR 83.

Dear Sister Marian:

I received your letters today, two of them. We left Armadale, Tuesday, November 26 on my 68th birthday, and I knew it not until past. Another year of my life has passed into eternity. Another year of my life has commenced. God grant me more largely of His Holy Spirit, and lead and guide me. I fear and tremble before God as I see the perils of the last days upon us. What is before us we know not. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 1

You will see by letters I have written you that Fannie has no possibility of connecting with me. She is altogether too much like a flashing meteor, to flash up and go out in darkness. If Fannie had less self-confidence, in her brilliant flashes, she would be more reliable. But her feelings is her religion. All the light, all the opportunities she has had to know the truth, handling the most precious banquet, she appropriates nothing to herself unless it will administer to her self-esteem and vanity. Certainly I could never harmonize with her in spirit. She seemed to live and breathe and work in another atmosphere. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 2

I am now relieved from this fitful, skyrocket experience. She seems to swell up into such large measurements of herself, full of self-sufficiency, full of her own capabilities, and from the light God has been pleased to give me she is my adversary, and has been thus throughout her connection with me. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 3

I have told you she had no love for the work that she was paid to do. Her mind is so full of [vanity,] a cheap surface religion that she knows not what the genuine article is. She wants her life filled with variety, and what she will do remains to be seen. Poor, shallow soul, she does not have correct religious principles whenever herself is concerned. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 4

When we left Armadale to take the train for the boat, we feared we should have a strong wind, as the sand storm was quite severe. But we did not have it rough, only a little as we passed the heads. I had taken no dinner, only a little lunch, before leaving Melbourne, and I ate but little breakfast, therefore at six o’clock I ate supper. Four of us had to occupy the same room, May White, Maggie Hare, Sarah and myself. I was wretchedly sick and vomited for the first part of the night most heartily. This was in consequence of nervous prostration. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 5

December 3

I thought I would be able to write and close this letter ere this, but since coming here I have been very weak. My heart has had such repeated shocks that it is weak. I cannot feel any interest in touching a pen. The scenes I have been passing through with Fannie have been of so oft recurrence, and have caused me such great distress of mind, that I now have not power to rally. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 6

Although the Melbourne taxation has been great, I thought I should indeed improve if I could live to get to Tasmania; but after sleeping more hours of a night than for years, I have no strength. My heart is weak. I can scarcely totter about the room. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 7

The Lord knows all about the future. Two years ago He revealed to me that Fannie was my adversary and would vex my soul and weaken my hands, but I was so anxious to get out things that I thought the people needed. Then came other trials in New South Wales one after another, [so] that I was not able to bear it. Oh, if I had only heeded the instruction given of God, and let no other voice or influence come in to leave me in uncertainty, I might have been saved this last terrible heart sickening trial. But I hope the Lord will forgive me and have mercy upon me. But to try this matter again is out of the question. I am willing her talent shall be exercised for all it is worth, but it will never be in connection with me. I have served my time with Fannie Bolton. 10LtMs, Lt 22a, 1895, par. 8