Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 11 (1896)

Lt 11, 1896

Belden, Sarah

“Sunnyside,” Cooranbong, New South Wales, Australia

September 28, 1896

Previously unpublished.

Dear Niece Sarah Belden:

I commenced writing to you and Sister Burnham some days since, but my eyes have been troubling me. My whole head was full of pain. I could not respond to your letter. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 1

Minnie Hawkins received a letter addressed to the girls, and which the girls read. I was surprised at your statements that your letters had been opened. Is this all the confidence you have in my workers? or is it me that you suppose have opened your letters? I have never opened letters of yours or read any letters written to you, unless you gave them to me to read. I have always considered this the meanest kind of theft. Every letter is sacred property to the one to whom addressed, and that you should make this insinuation is a crime on your part of supposing evil, and speaking evil of those who would never think of such meanness. I am sorry for that letter you wrote. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 2

In regard to your not giving satisfaction, I told you all I had to tell. I can say nothing new. You were as an iceberg in my family. You gave me no confidence, no chance to understand you from the beginning to the close of your staying with me. If you would have taken it kindly, you could have, in some little matters, been helped. But you felt jealous of any suggestions made to improve in some things. In the bread line our family had sour bread a large part of the time, and I, at least, when you returned from Sydney, gave you the privilege of having nothing to do in the kitchen. I would freely give you your board, and you could have your time to prepare for your journey. But you chose to continue in the kitchen. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 3

But the breadmaking I transferred to Sara, and then Sister Lucas had it given to her. All have felt much better satisfied. We have had good, sweet bread. All that I condemn myself [for] in this matter is that, to save your feelings, I allowed the sour bread to come on my table so long. It was doing injustice to a large family of workers in order to save you from having sensitive feelings on this subject. I am sure that all that was done in this line to suggest to you improvement was not always done. When I should have done it in justice to my family of boarders. When Sara has, by my request made suggestions about the dough rising, that you should have better bread when the yeast was used, you said it was too much trouble; you would go back to the old practice. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 4

We know you can get up good meals, but you are not always as particular with painstaking effort to do this. We have nothing to charge ourselves with in respect to dissatisfaction because you wanted some changes made in the cooking line. You might have had help in the cooking line, but you wanted no one to meddle with you, and took it as a reproach on you if anything was attempted to be done in this line. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 5

One thing I hope, that you will open your heart to the influence of the spirit of God, and be converted, for unless changes do take place in you, and the peace of God rules in your heart, you will not long retain the truth under the influences you have chosen to place yourself. I know your spirit is not right with God. After you had sold me the articles of furniture you had, I said, The book case I have no special need of, but I want it because Byron made it; I do not want it to go out of the family. What was my surprise to hear Minnie say that you had given the book case to her mother because she thought so much of Byron. Do you suppose that your Aunt Ellen did not think much of Byron? 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 6

I have sometimes thought that you could not feel the disappointment and distress I felt in the death of Byron. It cut into my very soul. My heart ached every time I thought, Byron is dead, Byron is dead. I was willing to do anything for you. But you shut yourself within yourself, and made no effort to come close to my heart. You were an iceberg that could not be melted. But I think it a wonderfully strange thing that you could not have appreciation enough to see that I could appreciate that article of furniture as much as a stranger. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 7

But these things I leave now. I am sorry for this letter. It reveals a spirit not under the control of the Spirit of God. How you could do these things I cannot for the life of me determine. Your letter is a complete mystery to me. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 8

I have had a special interest in my sister’s children, and Byron and Lillie in particular. And your course of action in some of these things has left the impression on minds that strangers cared more for Byron than his own mother’s sister. What kind of perception have you shown? What kind of tangible evidence has been given to you of the wonderful appreciation of Sister Lacey above the interest I have ever manifested for Byron—my sister’s son. There are reflections cast upon me and those associated with me. What kind of influence shall I expect will go forth from you in respect to me and my household? The enemy is blinding your eyes. You have only yourself to censure if you have not found peace <and rest> in my home. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 9

I can say this much, I have told all to treat you just as if you were my own child. I know I have done so, whatever you may suppose or imagine to the contrary. I gave you three dollars per week for doing the simple cooking, Edith helping you, and doing up all the scrubbing, and taking all the real burdens on herself. You had no care, and took no interest for a room in the home. I never wanted you should. You did no washing, not even your own clothing, as a general thing. You did no mending, not a stitch to keep things in repair. Your own room was taken care of by your roommate, and all I hope is that you will never have any heavier burdens than you have borne in my house. Notwithstanding, Sister Lucas did all the breadmaking, there was no change made in your wages. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 10

But I must close. I am sad at heart. I thought to be a blessing to you; but your own disposition has not allowed you to appreciate any of my efforts. Others can appreciate them, but it is not in you to do it. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 11

In sorrow. 11LtMs, Lt 11, 1896, par. 12