Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 7 (1891-1892)

Lt 18a, 1892

Kellogg, Brother and Sister [J. H.]

North Fitzroy, Australia

July 5, 1892

Portions of this letter are published in 2SM 233-234.

Dear Brother and Sister:

When the last mail was enveloped and sent to the office, I had six pages written that by some mistake of mine was left out of the envelope. I think it was left out for the purpose of getting it in better shape and having it copied on the typewriter. You will not forget that I am doing considerable writing. Every mail has taken from one to two hundred pages from my hand, and most of it has been written either as I am now, propped up on the bed by pillows, half lying or half sitting, or bolstered up sitting in an uncomfortable chair. 7LtMs, Lt 18a, 1892, par. 1

It is very painful to my hip and to the lower part of my spine to sit up. If such easy chairs were to be found in this country as you have at the Sanitarium, one would be readily purchased by me, if it cost thirty dollars; but furniture of that style is not manufactured here. All furniture is transported from England and Boston, Massachusetts. A good, large, roomy chair with soft springs is not obtainable. It is with great weariness that I can sit erect and hold my head. I must rest it against the back of the chair on the pillows, half reclining. This is my condition just now. 7LtMs, Lt 18a, 1892, par. 2

But I am not at all discouraged. I feel that I am sustained daily. In the long weary hours of the night, when sleep has been out of the question, I have devoted much time to prayer; and when every nerve seemed to be shrieking with pain, when if I considered myself it seemed I should go frantic, the peace of Christ has come into my heart in such measure that I have been filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. I know that Jesus loves me, and I love Jesus. Some nights I have slept three hours, a few nights four hours, and much of the time only two, and yet in these long, Australian nights, in the darkness, all seems light about me, and I enjoy sweet communion with God. 7LtMs, Lt 18a, 1892, par. 3

When I first found myself in a state of helplessness, I deeply regretted having crossed the broad waters. Why was I not in America? Why at such expense was I in this country? Time and again I could have buried my face in the bed quilts and had a good cry. But I did not long indulge in the luxury of tears. 7LtMs, Lt 18a, 1892, par. 4

I said to myself, “Ellen G. White, what do you mean? Have you not come to Australia because you felt that it was your duty to go where the Conference judged it best for you to go? Has not this been your practice?” I said “Yes.” “Then why do you feel almost forsaken, and discouraged? Is not this the enemy’s work?” I said, “I believe it is.” I dried my tears as quickly as possible and said, “It is enough; I will not look on the dark side any more. Live or die, I commit the keeping of my soul to Him who died for me.” I then believed that the Lord would do all things well, and during this eight months of helplessness, I have not had any despondency or doubt. 7LtMs, Lt 18a, 1892, par. 5

I now look at this matter as a part of the Lord’s great plan, for the good of His people here in this country and for those in America and for my good. I cannot explain why or how, but I believe it. And I am happy in my affliction; I can trust my Heavenly Father. I will not doubt His love. I have an ever watchful guardian day and night, and I will praise the Lord, for His praise is upon my lips because it comes from a heart full of gratitude. 7LtMs, Lt 18a, 1892, par. 6