Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 7 (1891-1892)

Ms 32, 1892

Diary, May 1892

Preston, Melbourne, Australia

May 9-22, 1892

Portions of this manuscript are copied from Ms 19, 1892, and are published in 2SM 235; 3MR 376-377.

May 9, 1892

Preston, Victoria, Australia

The past night has been a very long one, and I am so restless that I long for the day. I keep my mind as much as possible on the promises of God. I do not claim these promises because I deserve them, but because they are bestowed upon erring human beings as a free gift. I am comforted with the assurance that although constantly suffering pain, I am never forsaken. I put my trust in One who is too wise to err and too good to do me harm. He will restore me to health. I shall yet speak forth His praise in the congregation of the saints. I am determined not to encourage feelings of despondency and gloom. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 1

May 10, 1892

I have had a rather singular night. Sometimes during the night I woke to find myself lying stretched out on my back. My heart was beating only feebly. I felt as if my body were being crushed under a mass of rubbish. I could hardly move any of my limbs. I did not know where I was. I called my nurse, but she did not hear me. After trying several times, I succeeded in moving my limbs, but my body seemed helpless. It was more than half an hour before I could understand that I was in bed, and before I could use my mind or move my limbs freely. Then the thought came to me that the angels of the Lord had awakened me, or else I should soon have breathed my last. How thankful I felt that I was guarded by heavenly angels. I dared not try to sleep again, for my heart seems to be very feeble in action. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 2

May 13, 1892

Preston, Victoria

Today the mail for America closed. It has been a trying day for us all, but we managed to get the letters off in time. I sent about fifty pages of letters away. After the mail had gone, Sister Tay, Marian, and I rode out. The weather was mild and pleasant, and we enjoyed the drive. The sunset was very fine. The clouds were golden, and it looked as if the gates of heaven were ajar. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 3

I cannot yet move my left arm without pain, but thankfulness is constantly welling up in my heart. My head is perfectly clear, and my memory undimmed. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 4

I gain much consolation from dwelling upon the truth. Of this I never tire. Constantly different points of truth present themselves to my mind in a new light, and I have a feast of good things. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 5

Sabbath, May 14, 1892

Preston, Melbourne, Victoria

The painful night is passed, the light of day has come, and I praise the Lord the nights are not all tedious, for I have sweet communion with God. I feel sensible of His presence with me. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 6

The past night has been one of great tediousness. I was obliged to get up six times to change my position; for my back and limbs were full of pain. My neck was so painful that it distressed me to lie on the pillow. But the Lord is good, and He draws near to me as I lift up my heart in prayer to Him, beseeching Him for grace and for restoration to health. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 7

I have a longing desire to get well, that I may proclaim the truth in this country. While I stand in the shadow of the cross, I feel certain, as I see by faith the rainbow of promise, that God’s promise is sure. The Lord is indeed mine and I am the Lord’s. I try not to be anxious or to feel restless or dissatisfied. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 8

May 15, 1892

Preston, Victoria

In the house of Lazarus at Bethany, the Saviour often found a pleasant rest from care and labor. Lazarus loved Jesus with a sincere, fervent love. He believed Him to be the Way, the Truth, and the Life. His sister Mary was also an earnest listener to the Saviour’s words. Lazarus knew how deep was the enmity that the Pharisees cherished against Jesus, and he knew the injustice of the charges they sought to fasten upon Him. The sympathy of the inmates of this peaceful home was wholly with Jesus. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 9

In the inspired record we are told that “Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus,” yet after He received the message, “he abode two days still in the same place where he was.” [John 11:3, 6.] Guided by divine wisdom, He did not go at once to His beloved friends. The message that came to Him did not meet with an immediate response. Mary and Martha did not say, “Lord, come at once and heal our brother.” They had confidence in Jesus, believing that He would do what was best for them. At length He said to His disciples, “Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep.” [Verse 11.] 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 10

By the raising of Lazarus many were led to believe in Jesus. It was God’s plan that Lazarus should die and be laid in the tomb before the Saviour should arrive. The raising of Lazarus was Christ’s crowning miracle, and because of it many glorified God. But those who had again and again rejected light would not yield, even in the face of this overwhelming evidence. They were hardened in unbelief, and they went away immediately to tell the priests and rulers what Jesus had done. They aroused anew the hatred of His bitterest enemies, the Pharisees, whose jealousy was increased by every act of mercy performed by the Saviour. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 11

May 21, 1892

Preston, Victoria

The trying, almost sleepless night is ended. Yesterday afternoon Elder Daniells and his wife, Elder Tenney and his wife, and Brethren Stockton and Smith came to our house at my request to pray that the Lord would heal me. We had a most earnest season of prayer, and we were all much blessed. I was relieved, but not restored. I have now done all that I can to follow the Bible directions, and I shall wait for the Lord to work, believing that in His own good time He will heal me. My faith takes hold of the promise, “Ask, and ye shall receive.” [John 16:24.] 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 12

I believe that the Lord heard our prayers. I hoped that my captivity might be turned immediately, and to my finite judgment it seemed that thus God would be glorified. I was much blessed during our season of prayer, and I shall hold fast to the assurance then given me: “I am your Redeemer; I will heal you.” 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 13

May 22, 1892

Preston, Victoria

The past night was an almost sleepless one. I am so thankful that I could commune with God and leave myself without murmuring in His merciful hands. I can use my arms and hands better than I could, and with considerable effort I can dress myself. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 14

Satan is watching to see if I will hide my faith under a cloud of unbelief by murmuring against the One who has done everything for me. I am determined not to distrust God. I shall keep looking up to where the rainbow of promise encircles the throne. I shall triumph in God. Daily my soul is refreshed by the contemplation of the great love of our heavenly Father. 7LtMs, Ms 32, 1892, par. 15