Chapter 42—Duties of the Husband and the Wife
Brother R,
Last June your case was presented before me in vision. But I have been so constantly pressed with labor that I could not possibly write out the things shown me in regard to individual cases. I wish to write what I have to write, before I hear any account of matters in regard to your case; for Satan might suggest doubts to your mind. This is his work.
2T 296.3
I was pointed back to your past life and was shown that God had been very merciful to you in enlightening your eyes to see His truth, in rescuing you from your perilous condition of doubt and uncertainty, and in establishing your faith and settling your mind upon the eternal truths of His word. He established your feet upon the Rock. For a season you felt grateful and humble, but for some time you have been separating yourself from God. When you were little in your own eyes, then you were beloved of God.
2T 297.1
Music has been a snare to you. You are troubled with self-esteem; it is natural for you to have exalted ideas of your own ability. Teaching music has been an injury to you. Many women have confided their family difficulties to you. This has also been an injury to you. It has exalted you and led you to still greater self-esteem.
2T 297.2
In your own family you have occupied a dignified and rather haughty position. There are defects in your wife, of which you are aware. They have led to bad results. She is not naturally a housekeeper. Her education in this direction must be acquired. She has improved some, and should apply herself earnestly to make greater improvement. She lacks order, taste, and neatness in housekeeping and also in dress. It would be pleasing to God if she should train her mind upon these things wherein she lacks. She does not have good government in her family. She is too yielding, and fails to maintain her decisions. She is swayed by the desires and claims of her children, and yields her judgment to theirs. Instead of trying to improve in these respects, as it is her duty to do, she is glad of an opportunity or an excuse to release herself from home cares and responsibilities, and permits others to perform the duties in her family that she should educate herself to love to do. She cannot perform her part as a wife and mother until she shall educate herself in this direction. She lacks confidence in herself. She is timid and retiring, and distrustful of herself. She has a very poor opinion of what she does, and this discourages her from doing more. She needs encouragement; she needs words of tenderness and affection. She has a good spirit. She is meek and quiet, and the Lord loves her; yet she should make thorough efforts to correct these evils which tend to make her family unhappy. Practice in these things will give her confidence in her own ability to perform her duties aright.
2T 297.3
You and your wife are opposite in your organizations. You love order and neatness, and have a nice taste, and quite good government. As a husband, you are rather stiff and stern. You fail to take a course to encourage confidence and familiarity in your wife. Her deficiencies have led you to regard her as inferior to yourself, and have also caused her to feel that you thus regard her. God esteems her more highly than yourself; for your ways are crooked before Him. For the sake of her husband and children, and for other reasons, she should seek to correct her deficiencies and to improve in those things wherein she now fails. She can do it if she will try hard enough.
2T 298.1
God is displeased with disorder, slackness, and a lack of thoroughness, in anyone. These deficiencies are serious evils and tend to wean the affections of the husband from the wife when the husband loves order, well-disciplined children, and a well-regulated house. A wife and mother cannot make home agreeable and happy unless she possesses a love for order, preserves her dignity, and has good government; therefore all who fail on these points should begin at once to educate themselves in this direction and cultivate the very things wherein is their greatest lack. Discipline will do much for those who are lacking in these essential qualifications. Sister R gives up to these failings, and thinks that she cannot do otherwise than she does. After she has made a trial, and fails to see decided improvement in herself, she is discouraged. This must not be. The happiness of herself and her family depend upon her arousing herself, and working with earnestness and zeal to make a decided reformation in these things. She must put on confidence and decision; put on the woman. Her nature is to shrink from anything untried. No one can be more ready and willing than she to do, where she thinks she can succeed. If she fails in her new effort, she must try, try again. She can earn the respect of her husband and children.
2T 298.2
I was shown that self-exaltation has caused Brother R to stumble. He has exercised a certain dignity, savoring of severity, in his family and toward his wife. This has shut her from him. She felt that she could not approach him, and has been in her married life, more like a child fearing a stern, dignified father, than like a wife. She has loved, respected, and idolized her husband notwithstanding his lack of encouraging her confidence. My brother, you should pursue a course that would encourage your timid, shrinking wife to lean upon your large affections, and this would give you a chance, in a delicate, affectionate manner, to correct the errors existing in her, as far as you are capable of so doing, and to inspire her with confidence in herself.
2T 299.1
I was shown that you had not possessed that love for your wife that you should. Satan has taken advantage of her defects and your errors, to work for the destruction of your family. You have suffered shame of your wife to come into your heart, and your respect has grown less and less for her whom you vowed to love and cherish until death should part you.
2T 299.2
120
2T
Testimonies for the Church, vol. 2
[{"para_id":"120.2","title":"The Times of Volume Two","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0003_eng_m_the_times_of_volume_two_120_11.mp3#duration=662&size=5392205"},{"para_id":"120.39","title":"Introduction","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0005_eng_m_introduction_120_3090.mp3#duration=73&size=675831"},{"para_id":"120.43","title":"Chapter 1\u2014Sketch of Experience","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0006_eng_m_chapter_1_sketch_of_experience_120_43.mp3#duration=1899&size=15285470"},{"para_id":"120.102","title":"Chapter 2\u2014Doing for Christ","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0007_eng_m_chapter_2_doing_for_christ_120_102.mp3#duration=1967&size=15833206"},{"para_id":"120.155","title":"Chapter 3\u2014Selling the Birthright","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0008_eng_m_chapter_3_selling_the_birthright_120_155.mp3#duration=1775&size=14289342"},{"para_id":"120.207","title":"Chapter 4\u2014Evilspeaking","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0009_eng_m_chapter_4_evilspeaking_120_207.mp3#duration=690&size=5613625"},{"para_id":"120.230","title":"Chapter 5\u2014Selfishness and World Loving","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0010_eng_m_chapter_5_selfishness_and_world_loving_120_230.mp3#duration=679&size=5525502"},{"para_id":"120.250","title":"Chapter 6\u2014Flesh Meats and Stimulants","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0011_eng_m_chapter_6_flesh_meats_and_stimulants_120_250.mp3#duration=904&size=7322239"},{"para_id":"120.277","title":"Chapter 7\u2014Neglect of Health Reform","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0012_eng_m_chapter_7_neglect_of_health_reform_120_277.mp3#duration=956&size=7744025"},{"para_id":"120.304","title":"Chapter 8\u2014Love for the Erring","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0013_eng_m_chapter_8_love_for_the_erring_120_304.mp3#duration=547&size=4467192"},{"para_id":"120.322","title":"Chapter 9\u2014Everyday Religion","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0014_eng_m_chapter_9_everyday_religion_120_322.mp3#duration=845&size=6856718"},{"para_id":"120.352","title":"Chapter 10\u2014Reform at Home","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0015_eng_m_chapter_10_reform_at_home_120_352.mp3#duration=624&size=5081894"},{"para_id":"120.371","title":"Chapter 11\u2014A Violated Conscience","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0016_eng_m_chapter_11_a_violated_conscience_120_371.mp3#duration=550&size=4495552"},{"para_id":"120.390","title":"Chapter 12\u2014Warnings and Reproofs","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0017_eng_m_chapter_12_warnings_and_reproofs_120_390.mp3#duration=2420&size=19453500"},{"para_id":"120.457","title":"Chapter 13\u2014Object of Personal Testimonies","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0019_eng_m_chapter_13_object_of_personal_testimonies_120_458.mp3#duration=174&size=1482727"},{"para_id":"120.465","title":"Chapter 14\u2014Moving to Battle Creek","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0020_eng_m_chapter_14_moving_to_battle_creek_120_465.mp3#duration=367&size=3029255"},{"para_id":"120.480","title":"Chapter 15\u2014Caution to Ministers","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0021_eng_m_chapter_15_caution_to_ministers_120_480.mp3#duration=264&size=2204107"},{"para_id":"120.492","title":"Chapter 16\u2014Look to Jesus","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0022_eng_m_chapter_16_look_to_jesus_120_492.mp3#duration=788&size=6397464"},{"para_id":"120.516","title":"Chapter 17\u2014Separation From the World","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0023_eng_m_chapter_17_separation_from_the_world_120_516.mp3#duration=1138&size=9199738"},{"para_id":"120.555","title":"Chapter 18\u2014True Love","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0024_eng_m_chapter_18_true_love_120_555.mp3#duration=454&size=3724585"},{"para_id":"120.569","title":"Chapter 19\u2014Amusements at the Institute","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0025_eng_m_chapter_19_amusements_at_the_institute_120_569.mp3#duration=434&size=3564780"},{"para_id":"120.583","title":"Chapter 20\u2014Neglect of Hannah More","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0026_eng_m_chapter_20_neglect_of_hannah_more_120_583.mp3#duration=683&size=5557411"},{"para_id":"120.602","title":"Chapter 21\u2014Prayer for the Sick","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0027_eng_m_chapter_21_prayer_for_the_sick_120_602.mp3#duration=603&size=4913459"},{"para_id":"120.623","title":"Chapter 22\u2014Courage in the Minister","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0028_eng_m_chapter_22_courage_in_the_minister_120_623.mp3#duration=288&size=2399300"},{"para_id":"120.634","title":"Chapter 23\u2014Closeness in Deal","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0029_eng_m_chapter_23_closeness_in_deal_120_634.mp3#duration=462&size=3786642"},{"para_id":"120.652","title":"Chapter 24\u2014Oppressing the Hireling","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0030_eng_m_chapter_24_oppressing_the_hireling_120_652.mp3#duration=752&size=6105835"},{"para_id":"120.676","title":"Chapter 25\u2014Combativeness Reproved","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0031_eng_m_chapter_25_combativeness_reproved_120_676.mp3#duration=443&size=3635025"},{"para_id":"120.692","title":"Chapter 26\u2014Burden Bearers in the Church","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0033_eng_m_chapter_26_burden_bearers_in_the_church_120_692.mp3#duration=1089&size=8807648"},{"para_id":"120.727","title":"Chapter 27\u2014Pride in the Young","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0034_eng_m_chapter_27_pride_in_the_young_120_727.mp3#duration=1357&size=10947475"},{"para_id":"120.768","title":"Chapter 28\u2014Worldliness in the Church","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0035_eng_m_chapter_28_worldliness_in_the_church_120_768.mp3#duration=2289&size=18402499"},{"para_id":"120.830","title":"Chapter 29\u2014The Sufferings of Christ","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0037_eng_m_chapter_29_the_sufferings_of_christ_120_831.mp3#duration=2154&size=17329519"},{"para_id":"120.901","title":"Chapter 30\u2014Warnings to the Church","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0038_eng_m_chapter_30_warnings_to_the_church_120_901.mp3#duration=1350&size=10896143"},{"para_id":"120.945","title":"Chapter 31\u2014Contemplating Marriage","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0039_eng_m_chapter_31_contemplating_marriage_120_945.mp3#duration=495&size=4055601"},{"para_id":"120.962","title":"Chapter 32\u2014Danger of Riches","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0040_eng_m_chapter_32_danger_of_riches_120_962.mp3#duration=389&size=3207414"},{"para_id":"120.976","title":"Chapter 33\u2014Christian Zeal","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0041_eng_m_chapter_33_christian_zeal_120_976.mp3#duration=428&size=3515077"},{"para_id":"120.991","title":"Chapter 34\u2014Responsibilities of the Young","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0042_eng_m_chapter_34_responsibilities_of_the_young_120_991.mp3#duration=250&size=2090340"},{"para_id":"120.1001","title":"Chapter 35\u2014Servants of Mammon","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0043_eng_m_chapter_35_servants_of_mammon_120_1001.mp3#duration=1314&size=10602874"},{"para_id":"120.1045","title":"Chapter 36\u2014Sentimentalism and Matchmaking","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0044_eng_m_chapter_36_sentimentalism_and_matchmaking_120_1045.mp3#duration=758&size=6160366"},{"para_id":"120.1071","title":"Chapter 37\u2014Severity in Family Government","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0045_eng_m_chapter_37_severity_in_family_government_120_1071.mp3#duration=1062&size=8589885"},{"para_id":"120.1112","title":"Chapter 38\u2014A Birthday Letter","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0046_eng_m_chapter_38_a_birthday_letter_120_1112.mp3#duration=926&size=7502820"},{"para_id":"120.1147","title":"Chapter 39\u2014Deceitfulness of Riches","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0047_eng_m_chapter_39_deceitfulness_of_riches_120_1147.mp3#duration=2549&size=20484725"},{"para_id":"120.1239","title":"Chapter 40\u2014Self-Deceived Youth","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0048_eng_m_chapter_40_self_deceived_youth_120_1239.mp3#duration=348&size=2872447"},{"para_id":"120.1251","title":"Chapter 41\u2014True Conversion","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0049_eng_m_chapter_41_true_conversion_120_1251.mp3#duration=764&size=6204705"},{"para_id":"120.1277","title":"Chapter 42\u2014Duties of the Husband and the Wife","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0050_eng_m_chapter_42_duties_of_the_husband_and_the_wife_120_1277.mp3#duration=412&size=3386991"},{"para_id":"120.1293","title":"Danger of Confiding Family Troubles","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0051_eng_m_danger_of_confiding_family_troubles_120_1293.mp3#duration=997&size=8070052"},{"para_id":"120.1328","title":"Chapter 43\u2014Letter to an Orphan Boy","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0052_eng_m_chapter_43_letter_to_an_orphan_boy_120_1328.mp3#duration=975&size=7891278"},{"para_id":"120.1361","title":"Chapter 44\u2014The Unruly Member","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0053_eng_m_chapter_44_the_unruly_member_120_1361.mp3#duration=466&size=3819114"},{"para_id":"120.1380","title":"Chapter 45\u2014Comfort in Affliction","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0054_eng_m_chapter_45_comfort_in_affliction_120_1380.mp3#duration=274&size=2286052"},{"para_id":"120.1390","title":"Chapter 46\u2014A Self-Caring, Dictatorial Spirit","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0055_eng_m_chapter_46_a_self_caring_dictatorial_spirit_120_1390.mp3#duration=205&size=1730547"},{"para_id":"120.1398","title":"Chapter 47\u2014A Forgetful Hearer","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0056_eng_m_chapter_47_a_forgetful_hearer_120_1398.mp3#duration=257&size=2147237"},{"para_id":"120.1408","title":"Chapter 48\u2014Remedy for Sentimentalism","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0057_eng_m_chapter_48_remedy_for_sentimentalism_120_1408.mp3#duration=511&size=4182587"},{"para_id":"120.1427","title":"Chapter 49\u2014Duty to Orphans","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0058_eng_m_chapter_49_duty_to_orphans_120_1427.mp3#duration=876&size=7104312"},{"para_id":"120.1456","title":"Chapter 50\u2014Appeal to Ministers","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0059_eng_m_chapter_50_appeal_to_ministers_120_1456.mp3#duration=1532&size=12349827"},{"para_id":"120.1512","title":"Chapter 51\u2014Moral Pollution","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0060_eng_m_chapter_51_moral_pollution_120_1512.mp3#duration=922&size=7467021"},{"para_id":"120.1543","title":"Chapter 52\u2014Christian Temperance","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0062_eng_m_chapter_52_christian_temperance_120_1544.mp3#duration=2915&size=23415144"},{"para_id":"120.1635","title":"Chapter 53\u2014Extremes in Health Reform","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0063_eng_m_chapter_53_extremes_in_health_reform_120_1635.mp3#duration=1733&size=13954787"},{"para_id":"120.1697","title":"Chapter 54\u2014Sensuality in the Young","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0064_eng_m_chapter_54_sensuality_in_the_young_120_1697.mp3#duration=2942&size=23632712"},{"para_id":"120.1782","title":"Chapter 55\u2014True Love at Home","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0065_eng_m_chapter_55_true_love_at_home_120_1782.mp3#duration=1064&size=8606471"},{"para_id":"120.1818","title":"Conducting Social Meetings","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0066_eng_m_conducting_social_meetings_120_1818.mp3#duration=198&size=1675581"},{"para_id":"120.1825","title":"Chapter 56\u2014Importance of Self-Government","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0067_eng_m_chapter_56_importance_of_self_government_120_1825.mp3#duration=1428&size=11519143"},{"para_id":"120.1872","title":"Chapter 57\u2014Industry and Economy","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0068_eng_m_chapter_57_industry_and_economy_120_1872.mp3#duration=669&size=5447936"},{"para_id":"120.1900","title":"Chapter 58\u2014Stirring Up Opposition","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0069_eng_m_chapter_58_stirring_up_opposition_120_1900.mp3#duration=422&size=3472062"},{"para_id":"120.1914","title":"Chapter 59\u2014An Appeal to the Church","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0070_eng_m_chapter_59_an_appeal_to_the_church_120_1914.mp3#duration=6640&size=53213629"},{"para_id":"120.2120","title":"Chapter 60\u2014A Cross in Accepting the Truth","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0071_eng_m_chapter_60_a_cross_in_accepting_the_truth_120_2120.mp3#duration=1108&size=8954135"},{"para_id":"120.2153","title":"Chapter 61\u2014Address to Ministers","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0073_eng_m_chapter_61_address_to_ministers_120_2154.mp3#duration=3246&size=26064796"},{"para_id":"120.2252","title":"Chapter 62\u2014Exercise and Air","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0074_eng_m_chapter_62_exercise_and_air_120_2252.mp3#duration=2271&size=18265141"},{"para_id":"120.2321","title":"Chapter 63\u2014Selfishness Rebuked","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0075_eng_m_chapter_63_selfishness_rebuked_120_2321.mp3#duration=1859&size=14963334"},{"para_id":"120.2373","title":"Chapter 64\u2014Fanaticism and Ignorance","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0076_eng_m_chapter_64_fanaticism_and_ignorance_120_2373.mp3#duration=620&size=5055653"},{"para_id":"120.2393","title":"Chapter 65\u2014An Indulged Daughter","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0077_eng_m_chapter_65_an_indulged_daughter_120_2393.mp3#duration=936&size=7580940"},{"para_id":"120.2424","title":"Chapter 66\u2014To a Minister's Wife","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0078_eng_m_chapter_66_to_a_minister_s_wife_120_2424.mp3#duration=535&size=4368624"},{"para_id":"120.2443","title":"Chapter 67\u2014Unfaithfulness in Stewardship","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0079_eng_m_chapter_67_unfaithfulness_in_stewardship_120_2443.mp3#duration=239&size=2005292"},{"para_id":"120.2453","title":"Chapter 68\u2014Mistaken Sensitiveness","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0080_eng_m_chapter_68_mistaken_sensitiveness_120_2453.mp3#duration=231&size=1942282"},{"para_id":"120.2464","title":"Chapter 69\u2014Convocations","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0081_eng_m_chapter_69_convocations_120_2464.mp3#duration=443&size=3634928"},{"para_id":"120.2479","title":"Chapter 70\u2014Social Meetings","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0083_eng_m_chapter_70_social_meetings_120_2480.mp3#duration=689&size=5608537"},{"para_id":"120.2507","title":"Chapter 71\u2014How Shall We keep the Sabbath?","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0084_eng_m_chapter_71_how_shall_we_keep_the_sabbath_120_2507.mp3#duration=323&size=2676017"},{"para_id":"120.2521","title":"Chapter 72\u2014Christian Recreation","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0085_eng_m_chapter_72_christian_recreation_120_2521.mp3#duration=1124&size=9086788"},{"para_id":"120.2559","title":"Chapter 73\u2014An Impressive Dream","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0086_eng_m_chapter_73_an_impressive_dream_120_2559.mp3#duration=416&size=3424194"},{"para_id":"120.2578","title":"Chapter 74\u2014Our Camp Meetings","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0087_eng_m_chapter_74_our_camp_meetings_120_2578.mp3#duration=780&size=6333706"},{"para_id":"120.2605","title":"Chapter 75\u2014A Solemn Dream","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0088_eng_m_chapter_75_a_solemn_dream_120_2605.mp3#duration=653&size=5314978"},{"para_id":"120.2631","title":"Chapter 76\u2014Manners and Dress of Ministers","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0089_eng_m_chapter_76_manners_and_dress_of_ministers_120_2631.mp3#duration=1311&size=10580984"},{"para_id":"120.2679","title":"Chapter 77\u2014Love of Gain","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0090_eng_m_chapter_77_love_of_gain_120_2679.mp3#duration=1480&size=11935372"},{"para_id":"120.2727","title":"Chapter 78\u2014The Cause in Vermont","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0091_eng_m_chapter_78_the_cause_in_vermont_120_2727.mp3#duration=6011&size=48187399"},{"para_id":"120.2930","title":"Chapter 79\u2014Transferring Earthly Treasure","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0092_eng_m_chapter_79_transferring_earthly_treasure_120_2930.mp3#duration=1086&size=8780156"},{"para_id":"120.2972","title":"Chapter 80\u2014No Probation After Christ Comes","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0093_eng_m_chapter_80_no_probation_after_christ_comes_120_2972.mp3#duration=1093&size=8835438"},{"para_id":"120.3016","title":"Chapter 81\u2014Accountability for Light Received","mp3":"\/mp3\/120\/0094_eng_m_chapter_81_accountability_for_light_received_120_3016.mp3#duration=2121&size=17058819"}]