Spiritual Gifts, vol. 4b
Duty to Children
I have been shown that parents generally have not taken a proper course with their children. They are not restrained as they should be. They are left to indulge in pride, and follow their own inclinations. Anciently parental authority was regarded, and children were in subjection to their parents. They feared and reverenced them; but the order in these last days is reversed. Some parents are in subjection to their children. They fear their children, and yield to them. They fear to cross the will of their children; but just as long as children are under the roof of their parents, dependent upon them, they should be subject to them. Parents should move with decision, requiring the following out of their views of right. 4bSG 48.1
Eli might have restrained his wicked sons, but he feared their displeasure. He suffered them to go on in their rebellion, until they were a curse to Israel. Parents are required to restrain their children. The salvation of children depends very much upon the course pursued by their parents. In their mistaken love and fondness for their children, they indulge them to their hurt, nourish their pride, and put upon them trimmings and fixings which make them vain, and lead them to think that dress makes the lady or gentleman. But a short acquaintance convinces those with whom they associate that an outside appearance is not sufficient to hide the deformity of a heart void of the Christian graces, but filled with self-love, haughtiness, and uncontrolled passion. Those who love meekness, humility, and virtue, should shun such society, even if it be Sabbath-keepers’ children. Their company is poisonous, their influence leads to death. Parents realize not the destructive influence of the seed which they are sowing. It will spring up and bear fruit which will make their children despise parental authority. 4bSG 48.2
Children, even after they are of age, are required to respect, and look after the comforts of their parents. They should listen to the counsel of godly parents, and not feel because a few years are added to their life, that they have grown out of their duty to them. There is a commandment with promise to those who honor their father and their mother. 4bSG 48.3
Children in these last days are so noted for their disobedience and disrespect, that God has especially noticed it, and it constitutes a sign that the end is near. It shows the power of Satan upon minds, and the almost complete control he has of the minds of the young. By many, age is no more respected. It is considered too old-fashioned to respect the aged, for it dates back as far as the days of Abraham. Says God, “I know him, that he will command his children and household after him.” Anciently, children were not permitted to marry without the consent of their parents. Parents chose for their children. It was considered a crime for children to contract marriage upon their own responsibility. The matter was first laid before the parents, and they were to consider whether the person to be brought into a close relation to them was worthy, and whether the parties could provide for a family. It was considered by them of the greatest importance that they, the worshipers of the true God, should not intermarry with an idolatrous people, lest they lead their families away from God. 4bSG 49.1
Even after their children were married, the most solemn obligation rested upon them. Their judgment then was not considered sufficient without the counsel of their parents, and they were required to respect and obey their wishes, unless they should conflict with their duty to God. 4bSG 49.2
Again I was directed to the condition of children in these last days. Children are not controlled. Parents should commence their first lesson of discipline when their children are babes in their arms. Teach them to yield their will to yours. This can be done by bearing an even hand, and manifesting firmness. Parents should have perfect control over their own spirits, and with mildness, and yet firmness, bend the will of the child until it shall expect nothing else but to yield to their wishes. 4bSG 49.3
Parents do not commence in season. The first manifestation of temper is not subdued, and the children grow stubborn, which increases with their growth, and strengthens with their strength. Some children, as they grow older, think it a matter of course that they must have their own way, and that their parents must submit to their wishes. They expect their parents to wait upon them. They are impatient of restraint, and when old enough to be a help to their parents, they do not bear the burdens they should. They have been released from responsibilities, and grow up worthless at home, and worthless abroad. They have no power of endurance; the parents have borne the burden, and have suffered them to grow up in idleness, without habits of order, industry, and economy. They have not been taught habits of self-denial, but have been petted and indulged, their appetites gratified, and they come up with enfeebled health. Their manners and deportment are not agreeable. They are unhappy themselves, and make those around them unhappy. And when the children are but children still, and while they need to be disciplined, they are allowed to go out in company, mingle with the society of the young, and one has a corrupting influence over the other. 4bSG 50.1
The curse of God will surely rest upon unfaithful parents. Not only are they planting thorns which shall wound them here, but they must meet their own unfaithfulness when the judgment shall sit. Many children will rise up in judgment and condemn their parents for not restraining them, and charge upon them their destruction. The false sympathy and blind love of parents, causes them to excuse the faults of their children, and to pass them by without correction, and their children are lost in consequence, and the blood of their souls will rest upon unfaithful parents. 4bSG 50.2
Children, who are thus brought up undisciplined, when they profess to be Christ's followers, have everything to learn. Their whole religious experience is effected by their bringing up in childhood. The same self-will often appears; the same lack of self-denial; the same impatience manifest under reproof; the same love of self, and unwillingness to seek counsel of others, or to be influenced by others’ judgment; the same indolence, shunning of burdens, lack of bearing responsibilities, is seen in their relation to the church. It is possible for such to overcome, but how hard the battle! how severe the conflict! How hard to pass through a course of thorough discipline, which is necessary for them to reach the elevation of Christian character. Yet if they overcome at last, they will be permitted to see before they are translated how near the precipice of eternal destruction they came, caused by the lack of right training in youth, and by not learning submission in childhood. 4bSG 50.3