Health, or, How to Live

DISPATCH

Inquiry. Mouth to Stomach; “Are you ready for breakfast?” HHTL 60.3

Stomach. Yes. What are you going to send?” HHTL 60.4

Mouth. “You will see. Prepare!” The table bell rings. Body hurries — drops into a chair. Mouth opens, and down goes, as quickly as possible, a cup of coffee at a temperature of 145 degrees of Fahrenheit. It burns the AEsophageal track as it passes it, and when it gets into the Stomach, burns it, and the Stomach contracts, and shrivels, and cringes, and finally screeches — and the HHTL 60.5

Mouth says; “Halloo! What is the matter?” HHTL 61.1

Stomach. “Matter! Enough, I should think. Do you not know that I cannot endure Slush at 140 to 160 degrees of heat?” HHTL 61.2

Mouth. “Oh, never mind! Here comes some beef steak with hot fried potatoes, hot rolls, and poor butter. Some salad with vinegar, some buckwheat cakes and molasses. These will heal it.” HHTL 61.3

Stomach. “Stop! What earthly use is there in sending these down here all at a time? They’ll make a hodge podge. HHTL 61.4

Mouth. “Here comes some more coffee.” HHTL 61.5

Stomach. “Hold on! Wait! Give me some water! HHTL 61.6

Mouth. “Water! water, when you can get coffee? You must be crazy — water has no nourishment in it. One wants water only when one is dry.” HHTL 61.7

Stomach. “I am thirsty. Give me some water!” HHTL 61.8

Mouth. “Cannot do it — they haven’t any water up here. If they have, it is hot and I doubt if they have any of that. Persons do not like water, and you, O stomach, are eccentric: so stop complaining and get ready for some more food — ‘take the good the gods provide you,’ and be content. Are you ready! I am in a hurry. Up here, time is money. I have to furnish you with material out of which strength is to be gotten for the body’s use to-day, and I have ten minutes allowed me for this purpose. Now, the afterpart is your look out, not mine. Take notice! are you ready? Here comes apple pie, fried chickens, tripe, tomato catsup, boiled ham, minute pudding, corn bread, and pickles; pepper, salt, gravy, mince pie, another cup of coffee — so look out!” HHTL 61.9

Stomach. “Look out! Oh, murder! What am I to do? Do! I must grind away at it, like a horse in a bark-mill, till I am worn out. Under such a condition of things as this, I shall break down in a fourth part of the time which I might work; but then the mouth — and for that matter the heart, too, will be still and I shall be at peace!” — Prairie Farmer. HHTL 61.10