Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 16 (1901)

Lt 221, 1901

White, W. C.

St. Helena, California

August, 1901

Previously unpublished.

Dear Son W. C. White:

I have had quite a time of reflection since I left my home in St. Helena for Healdsburg, and I am satisfied that we are making a mistake and it hurts my soul. Here I am on this farm, paying out money to carry it on, building, etc., bearing the many burdens that come upon me in consequence of my writings left undone, which ought to have been done in Australia, but were not done. Then the things which absorb your mind come to burden my mind and the many doors opened by suggestions to go here and there, and so manage to attend so many meetings that my strength is constantly taxed so that I have my time so fully occupied I have no repose of spirit. The writings I do are done with aching head and a distressed pain in my left eye. When I learned that you were placed on so many committees here and there, I felt my spirit sink to the lowest ebb, and I know all these responsibilities are not favorable to the advancement of my work. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 1

I did not suppose you or I or any one of my workers was to attend the Teachers’ Institute, but it has been as it has. I was beguiled into the idea that during the three weeks we were to be in Healdsburg, Sister Peck and you could connect, and that plan led me to consent to let Sister Peck go and to go myself; but you know just how it is and has been. We are not advancing one particle in our work proper. Here is one year passed into eternity, and what have I done to get before the people the burden of true education? Once this work is done, thousands can be benefited; but our light, given of God, is hid under a bushel. Matter that can be prepared is not prepared and never will, I fear, come to the people, for your time and strength and capabilities are scattered here and there upon work that enlightens a few, and may be endlessly kept up. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 2

I see no way out of my perplexities. If you will say, “Go ahead; I must be on these committees and do this work,” then I will reckon no more upon you in the work of preparing matter for the press. Just as long as you are connected with the work, my workers need your whole time except that which will give your mind refreshment and rest. You not only take your time, but encouragement is given for my time to be fully occupied as it as been in many lines. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 3

Sister Peck is called off from doing the very work she has been fitted to do. We are glad of your help, but you are diverted from this work so easily, to give your mind to many other things which it appears must be done, that my mind is in continual perplexity and study, much worn and distressed with many things. I cannot do my writing successfully, and it has to be so deficient, cut to pieces, written and re-written, that I have little confidence in writing anything. If [only] I had not so many doors opened before me, in going hither and thither, and you [had not] taken on burdens that should not come to me if it can be possibly avoided! But I am very weary of it all, and I might just as well dismiss the idea of accomplishing anything in the book line. I see no hope. I have no courage. There will be enough things to call you on boards from now till time closes, and I am not able to determine what shall be done. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 4

But one thing I am free to say, I consent not for Sister Peck to leave my work because someone calls her, Do this. I want her time and her talent. And if you cannot give her the very help she ought to have, I shall encourage her to do what she can to complete something, even if it is not as perfect as it might be. But as things are now, I am in constant uncertainty and painful distress night and day at the amount of help I have, [while] you [are] bearing other responsibilities, and no books [are] being completed. I can but feel that things are not as they should be. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 5

I know you will talk of the necessities of the work to be done in general lines when, if I could but have the help I ought to have to complete my books, light would shine forth everywhere. It is yourself that is hindering the light coming forth. If you give up all responsibility in the matter, then I will have the best help I can secure without depending upon you, and you can become a field-hand laborer. The Lord will give tact and ingenuity and skill to someone who will take up this work and push it. This slow work pains me and I am becoming unfitted to do even that which I might do in writings, if so many burdens were not constantly coming upon me. My mind becomes wearied out. I have no confidence in myself. I am tired. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 6

And now, Willie, please do not talk of Sister Peck’s going to Los Angeles. It seems to me you are unwise in your suppositions that she can break away from her legitimate work to take up this, that, and the other and then have all the inconvenience of getting right hold again. My work has been hindered long enough by this kind of planning for yourself and for my workers. Now I mean that some understanding shall be had, and that we shall work to the point of completing something to get before the people on Christian education and on the line of my testimonies that God has given me which the people have needed for years, and I am called in personal labor to repeat that which is brought out in my testimony. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 7

My soul is so burdened, and all my workers, I know, are carrying a heavy load. What might be done and should be done, and is of the highest importance to come first, is made as something to fill in after many other things are done. The Lord has presented this thing before you so many times, yet there is the taking up of so many matters that crowd out the very essential things that ought to be done—things that God has given to correct the evils that require so much time and so much wearing labor—and would save so many mistakes that are made for the want of the very light that God has given to come to His people. You are the best one to handle these things, but if I am to be left as I have been in the past, burdened, and your mind occupied with other things, I must either drop the burden or lay it on others’ shoulders who will give attention to the matter and complete something. I write this to you for I am grievously burdened. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 8

I cannot see the great necessity for Sister Peck’s being in Healdsburg, nor the great necessity of her spending three weeks more in Los Angeles. I feel no burden there. I have borne my testimony faithfully and now I turn to my work. Cannot you see that the every matter to come out will make it unnecessary for all this multiplication of board meetings? Our light is not forever to be kept under a bushel. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 9

I am sick at heart. I fail to see consistency and true wisdom in the long delays of getting before the people the light which they should have. If I must always carry the burdens that others are manufacturing for me to carry, and neglect the work that you know ought to be done, and that without delay, how shall I answer to God for the light that should have come to the people? I ask myself again and again, Is it possible that you are out of your sphere in trying to place yourself in position to do my work? While being there, you are certainly hindering its accomplishment in not doing what needs to be done. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 10

No one knows of this that I have written but yourself. Consider this prayerfully. 16LtMs, Lt 221, 1901, par. 11