Manuscripts and Memories of Minneapolis

E. J. Waggoner to E. G. White, Apr. 1, 1887

Oakland, Cal., April 1, 1887.
Dear Sister White,-

It is several days since brother Jones sent me the testimony which you so kindly sent to us. I wish to than you for it, and to express my gratitude to God that his Spirit still strives with me, pointing our the errors to which I am so subject. I have read the testimony several times very carefully, and the more I read it, the more convinced I am that it is timely and was needed. I have been able to see some things in my heart of which I was unconscious. I thought that I was actuated by nothing but pure motives and love for the truth, in what I have said and written, but I can see plainly that there has been very much love of self mixed in. I can see how I have really hindered the advancement of the truth, when I thought I was helping it. That testimony has been blessed by the lord to my good. I have been looking at myself in the light of the word of God, and have been conscious of my insignificance as never before. As I have humbled myself before God, he has heard my prayer, and has given me a measure of peace greater than I have known before. Again I thank God for the testimony of his Spirit. The strongest proof to me of their genuineness is that they have revealed to me my heart to an extant that it could not possible be known by any one beside God. MMM 71.1

I have nothing to say in self-justification. I will say, however, that I did not receive the letter of which you speak. I have not taught any in the college since you left Healdsburg. I will say also that I have never heard of your having read a testimony to my father in regard to the law. I did not know that you had ever spoken on the subject. If I had known that, the case would have been different. I may state, however, that the view which I have taught is quite materially different from that which father held. I do not know whether or not he now holds the same view. MMM 71.2

As you say, I have been confident that I was correct; my error has been in being too hasty in putting forth views which could arouse controversy. I think I have learned a lesson that I shall not forget I hope and pray that I may not. I do desire most earnestly that the time may soon come when all our people shall see eye to eye. In my unconscious self-sufficiency, I supposed that I could do much toward accomplishing this. I have learned that God will accomplish his work in his own way, and that the strongest efforts in the best cause are powerless when not prompted solely by love to God, and accompanied by a total hiding of self in Christ. Oh, I do want the righteousness of Christ; I want to have communion with him, and continually know the love that passeth knowledge. MMM 71.3

I can see that I have allowed a spirit of controversy to creep in altogether too much. I have been to a certain extent conscious of this, and have striven against it. I have not desired it; but I have not been satisfied with myself. I can say that as I have been able to see more of the loveliness of the character of Christ, in contrast with myself, I am heartily sick of all strife. I am determined, by the help of the Lord, that my writings shall be characterized by more of the love of God. I do pray that this reproof from the Lord may indeed continue to work in me the peaceable fruits of righteousness I can say of a truth, that I do not cherish the slightest feeling of anything like ill feeling toward any of my brethren. I am truly sorry for the feeling that has existed and does exist between the two offices. I think it is but the simple truth to say that it did not originate here, and that much of what is felt in the east is due to misunderstanding on their part, of the real state of things here, and of the motives of those here; but I do not wish you to consider this as a shirking of blame. I know full well that a feeling of criticism has been allowed to creep in here, as I think in no one more than me. As I now view this spirit of criticism, which springs from the meanest kind of pride, I hate it, and want no more of it. I am determined that henceforth no word of mine, either in public or in private, shall tend to the detraction of any worker in the cause of God. I do want to abide in Christ, and to have his Spirit dwelling in me, so that the love of Christ, and that alone may constrain me to all that I do, and that all that I may do may have the divine impress. I do want to be in that condition of daily growth in grace, that while I remain connected with the Signs it may carry with it only the atmosphere of heaven and may contain nothing that will repel an honest seeker after truth, or offend a humble child of God. Oh, for the wisdom that comes from above! Will you pray for me? Thanking you again for your kind admonition, I remain, Your brother, in hope of eternal life, E. J. Waggoner. MMM 71.4