Manuscripts and Memories of Minneapolis

O. A. Olsen to E. G. White, Jun. 28, 1896

O. A. Olsen
Battle Creek, MI
June 28, 1896
Dear Sister White:

This is Sabbath and I am here at Battle Creek and instead of attending the public service I remain at home for quiet thought and meditation. I have this morning re-read a number of the communications that you have sent me, and I wish to express again my sincere gratitude to you and God for these messages of warning and reproof. I am so glad that God does not leave me to myself and to my own perverted ways. It grieves my heart that I have been such an unfaithful steward. Sometimes my sins and failures loom up before me so high and terrible that I lose heart and dark clouds of despair settle down over my head. But I am so thankful that He has not as yet left me to complete darkness to be lost. This morning the sweet peace of my Saviour has come anew into my heart. Its tender influence has melted my heart to tenderness, and I love to be alone with my precious Saviour. Oh, I thank Him, I thank Him for His pardoning love, for His boundless mercy. I dedicate anew my life, my strength, my all to Him. MMM 297.1

I will seek Him with all my heart. I do not want any way of my own. I shall seek earnestly for the eyesalve that my vision may be clear. It has always been my desire to do the right, but my discernment has been confused, my vision has been dim. I have not had the power of right discrimination. These things grieve me sorely, and especially because of the responsible position that I have been holding. I wonder that God can forgive. Oh, how wonderful is His love. MMM 297.2

I must plan my work in such a way that I can have more time for meditation and communion with God. This continuous rush and hurry, till one is all exhausted, physically, mentally, and spiritually, utterly unfits one for dealing truly, tenderly, yet faithfully, with every important matter that comes up. I have greatly failed in everything. I see nothing good. Every effort and work is sadly marred and carred [?]. Oh, what miserable work I have made. But what about the future. I will look to my Saviour. I can pledge nothing. I will hide in Christ. He it is that must work in me to will and to do. I want to be His humble instrument, ready to be used as He will. MMM 297.3

I need courage, and clear discernment of what is right. I have suffered much confusion of mind because of overtaxation and weariness. Have acted on important questions when the brain was utterly unfit for clear thinking. No more fit for its task than a horse would be to win a race after having exhausted all its reserve strength on a long journey. I have done a great wrong to the work, to God, whose mouthpiece I was to be, and also to myself in not refusing to act under such circumstances. By the help of God will watch these things more in the future. MMM 298.1

Pray for me. Pray that I may deal faithfully as God’s Servant. I am so sorry that I have added so much to your care and your perplexities. I hope this too may be forgiven. I have a most intense desire to be a true man for God. I have the desire; may God give the power to carry it out. MMM 298.2

I will close. I felt after reading over number of the letters this morning I wanted to again express my feelings and desires. May God’s most precious blessing be with you. MMM 298.3

Your unworthy brother in Christ
O. A. Olsen