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Ellen G. White: The Australian Years: 1891-1900 (vol. 4)

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“I Am Needed in America”

It was in connection with the trip to Melbourne to attend the Geelong camp meeting that Ellen White was suddenly overwhelmed with the conviction that she must return to America. 4BIO 454.3

On March 7 she wrote to W. C. White about the struggle with her conviction and of her desire to know God's will: 4BIO 454.4

I slept not. I was in conflict all night, pro and con. Reasons would urge themselves as though a voice was speaking to me, and I bringing up objections—why it seemed to me I could not go to America. And thus I reasoned and prayed, unwilling to admit that I must go, or that it was my duty to go, but the decision was not made. 4BIO 454.5

Last night I had it all over again, and I am more decided that it will be my duty, as soon as I can adjust matters, to go to America without delay.... I cannot say all now; but I am needed in America. My testimony is needed just now, and I really believe it is my duty to go.—Letter 196, 1900. 4BIO 454.6

Two weeks later, in writing to Stephen Haskell, she told of her decision: 4BIO 454.7

Well, what shall I tell you is on our minds? We are now planning to attend the next General Conference [session], taking the boat that sails in August. My mind has been wrought upon, and I shall come. If the Lord has not wrought upon my mind, then I do not know what spirit has taken hold of me. I wrestled three nights in prayer at different times. I could not consent to go, and finally I decided. 4BIO 454.8

I cannot think of being gone longer than two years, leaving here the first of August. This is as soon as I can get ready to leave. Shall leave my home just as it is, and come back to it. That, at least, is my calculation [a calculation she ultimately changed].... 4BIO 455.1

Now we are glad that you are in America, and we shall expect to come to your help, and we meet in September or October. We do not want to come later in the cold period of the year.... Things have come to a pass in America when I know the Lord would have me to go to my own country, on my old stamping ground.—Letter 174, 1900. 4BIO 455.2

Again, two weeks later, she confided in her diary on April 7, “I try to rest in my mind and thoughts, but I cannot. My mind is upon America.... I wish to go, and I wish to remain.”—Manuscript 92, 1900. 4BIO 455.3

The next day she wrote: 4BIO 455.4

We are preparing our American mail. I have many things I desire to see accomplished before we shall leave for America. I am greatly burdened. I have been instructed decidedly that the work Dr. Kellogg has been doing in Chicago is not the charge and work God has called him to do. He has his certain work appointed him which others cannot do.—Ibid.

In mid-May a cable from George Irwin urged her to come to America on the August boat. She still hesitated, and declared: 4BIO 455.5

I dread everything like confusion. I have stood on the battlefield at Battle Creek. I tremble at the thought of repeating the experience. We know they need help in America, but is it my duty to take this long journey? I cannot do this without further evidence.—Letter 70a, 1900. 4BIO 455.6

As she wrote to Edson on July 1 about the proposed trip she remarked: 4BIO 455.7

This is the best climate for me by far that I have ever been in, and I am so bound up with the work here it is very difficult for me to leave the work. I seem to be a part of the very work, and I tear myself away. I am not the least homesick. Nothing but duty would cause me to make the change. I am desirous to be just where the Lord would have me, and do the very work He has for me to do.—Letter 186, 1900. 4BIO 455.8

In writing to longtime friends Elder and Mrs. Haskell, Ellen White discussed where she might locate on arriving back in the United States. She still owned a home in Healdsburg, a few blocks from Healdsburg College. She might locate there. “But,” she wrote, “W. C. White objects. He thinks we should not be near any school.... We will know better what to do when we reach Oakland and have opportunity to look about.”—Letter 121, 1900. 4BIO 456.1

Settling in or near Battle Creek seemed to be quite out of the planning. “W. C. White has felt very strongly,” she wrote, that “under no circumstances should we locate in Battle Creek or east of the Rocky Mountains. Our position must be near the Pacific Press.” 4BIO 456.2

We have planned to go into the country, in or near Fruitvale, so that we might have no connection with any duties or offices that would demand our attention. Here we hope to complete the bookmaking we now contemplate.—Ibid. 4BIO 456.3