Ellen G. White in Europe 1885-1887

A Letter of Confession to Sister White

In 1891, however, he had second thoughts about his independent position, and he sincerely regretted his antagonistic spirit. He discloses this in a handwritten letter of confession to Sister White written in August, 1891. The letter follows: EGWE 288.3

“Dear Sister in Christ,

“You may be somewhat surprised to receive a letter from me, but during this past week I felt impressed that to write to you and free my heart, would be only another weight cast aside that may hinder me in my heavenly race. You will therefore pardon when I take some of your valuable time; I shall try to be short. EGWE 288.4

“When I first became connected with this people, over 13 years ago, I learned by experience what it is to taste the peace of God and the surety of sins forgiven, also to be free from the bondage of sin. As to theory, I confess I had but little light on this point, as on many others. For nearly seven years I remained victor, making steady progress. It was my privilege to make you and your dear husband's acquaintance shortly after embracing the truth and I shall never forget his kindness, as he bought me the coat in which I graduated and gave me the charts when I began to preach. But when I came to Europe, rather a short time previous, defeats came, at first only slight, at long intervals. While my desire was to work for union, yet I had not always the right feeling toward you. EGWE 289.1

“The peculiar circumstances at Basel were no help to me and I was slowly losing ground. When I went to America I hoped to be helped, but the Minneapolis meeting only added darkness. Your words proved true in my case. I tried to conquer by keeping at work; this helped for seasons, partly, but the bondage remained. O, how dark are the hours of bondage, if one has tasted freedom before! Had it not been for the freedom and experience gained before this time, I do not know where I would have drifted! EGWE 289.2

“But the sweet peace of God no longer abideth. I would enjoy freedom and feel His blessings during meetings, but when over there the bondage returned, it was an ‘up’ and ‘down’ and it rather went down, then up. More than once I laid stretched on the floor, asking God to help, but I was not willing to break fully with the idol sin. When I heard of the good meetings last General Conference, I thought if it is only true. I went to London and gained some more light as to my true condition, made some steps, but did not succeed or gain the victory fully. EGWE 289.3

“Brother Olsen came to Hamburg and we went to Basel. I again went further and struggled and wrestled, until a week ago I came again to Hamburg. The condition of my wife and the unsettled state of our affairs weighed heavily and while I pleaded with God, I can say for once more, I have been freed, the sweet peace of God has returned to abide, and today I [would] rather give life and all than to lose it again by sin. EGWE 289.4

“O, it tastes so precious, after years of spiritual dearth! And today, with the light I have received from my brethren, I hope to keep the experience and preserve it unto the end. I can believe that the victory even unto the end is mine, and not because I am able, for I have learned my nothingness, but because Christ liveth in me. For my dark experiences in the past I have but one to blame and that is—myself. EGWE 290.1

“May outer darkness be ever so great, if we are bright, we bring even light. But I praise God for His long-suffering with me, as unworthy as I was to have not only a position, but a place among His people. EGWE 290.2

“In view of the feelings I cherished against you and words I have dropped especially during the Minneapolis meeting, I ask your forgiveness and if you and my brethren still grant me a place in the cause of God, I can say, with God's help of which I have evidence, I shall be a different minister, member and brother. My heart goes out for souls as it did years ago and I feel that freedom from the bondage of sin and the peace of God as I did then. Sad experiences are behind me, but I look forward with good confidence to a brighter future. I want to learn more of the fullness in Christ and what my high calling in Him is. And I want to get in that full harmony with my brethren and sisters, that when we meet again, I can with them enjoy God's rich blessings. EGWE 290.3

“God in His mercy even in my dark hours has helped me to keep in peace with my brethren here and in union with our people, and even to work for that union, yet I have marred it only too often by my deeds. The Lord has kept me until now, where I [have] not deserved it, but He has found me again and I want to go no more astray. EGWE 290.4

“I can now prize your admonitions of the past and see light where before was darkness. Should it not be my privilege to meet you the coming year, I can assure you that in Christ I shall be one with you in your work and that my prayers will follow you. [A] few words from you that you received my letter and that you grant the forgiveness will be appreciated and words of counsel, advice or reproof will be thankfully received.... EGWE 290.5

“[The next two paragraphs report the progress of the work in Germany with five churches and 126 members and 150 Sabbathkeepers in all.] EGWE 290.6

“May the Lord bless you on your journey to Australia if it should be in His providence for you to go. Yours in the truth, EGWE 291.1

(Signed) L. R. Conradi
(August 16, 1891)” ^*

Any reply from Ellen White must have been a personal handwritten confidential note not placed in the Ellen G. White typewritten files. EGWE 291.2