General Conference Bulletin, vol. 7
Departmental Papers
W. A. Spicer, C. P. Bollman, C. C. Crisler, T. E. Bowen, H. E. Rogers, J. N. Anderson
MARRYING UNBELIEVERS
(Read before a meeting of the Missionary Volunteer Department.) GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.8
GOD has ordained that human life shall be perpetuated by means of the marriage institution. Upon the first man and woman he bestowed his blessing, and said to them, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” Marriage is one of twin institutions which come down to us from the garden of Eden. Before sin entered, God gave to man marriage and the Sabbath institution. Marriage is honorable to all. It is the foundation of the home. Out of it grow the fond relationships of father and son, mother and daughter, brother and sister, husband and wife. What loving words are these! Blot them from our language, and with them that for which they stand, and who would care to longer bear the burden of living? GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.9
Proper Associations
Love is godlike; for “God is love.” But love and lust are far removed. Love leads to marriage, but lust severs the marriage tie. Strange that they should seem so near and yet be so far apart. Lust is the abuse (ab-use. or wrong use) of the good gift of God. It is a matter of the utmost importance to all young men and women to know how to relate themselves properly to one another. The proper association of ladies and gentlemen is a blessing to both. Men receive from such association a refining, subduing influence. Women receive strength and integrity of character. But improper associations produce evil results. In their intercourse with one another, young people should maintain a proper reserve. They should associate together as friends and companions, in a frank, manly and womanly way; but at the same time there should be a bound of reserve through which no one would dare to break. Womanly reserve and modesty constitute a bulwark of purity and safety. When we forget this proper reserve, we fall into danger. GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.10
Reserve and Modesty
It would be wrong to tell young people that they should not delight in one another’s society. God has planted the social instinct in their hearts, and it is natural for them to like to be together; but it would not be wrong to say that they should be modest and reserved in their associations with one another. They should not trifle with the affections. They should not feign regard for another which they do not possess. They should not lead another on to bestow affection which is not returned, nor should they allow another to go on thus of his own accord. A quiet manner of dignified reserve is usually sufficient to set another right in this matter. Young people should learn to be happy and cheerful together without being sentimental and silly. GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.11
It is an unwise custom to be “going with” some one all the time. Many seem to think this proper thing to do, as if all the boys and girls must be pared off before the eyes of the community, and if any little thing by chance disturbs this arrangement, there must be a great ado of fluttering about until another adjustment is made. Thus it often happens that boys and girls pass through a long course of these slender attachments, like a humming-bird flitting from flower to flower, but seeming to be never satisfied to alight. Such associations dissipate the affections until the owner is scarcely able to recognize or bestow true affection. Perhaps it is too much to expect that there should be in every case only one such alignment, and that the final one for the journey of life; but we should certainly approach as nearly as possible to this ideal. In the journal entitled Life and Health, Washington, D. C., Mrs. M. L. Dickson truthfully remarks, “Most of the divorce cases are the result of matches contracted before a girl is old enough to be governed by her intellect rather than her impulses.” GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.12
Be Sensible
But when at last time shall come—as come it doubtless will—for our own heart to pierced with Cupid’s sharp arrows, then do let us try to be sensible! If we cannot be as sensible as we would like, let us at least be as sensible as we can. It is surprising sometimes to note how foolish otherwise sensible people may become in regard to these matters of affection. Good taste indicates that they should be conducted with a quiet and becoming dignity. It is not best to wear one’s heart upon the sleeve. The less publicity one attracts in these matters the better. Not that it is a matter of which to be ashamed. On the contrary, no man has fully lived until he has sincerely and purely loved a noble woman. But such relations are too delicate and too sacred to be needlessly exposed to public gaze. GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.13
The Goal of Affection
Marriage is the goal of true affection. But we should not rush to the goal with unseemly haste. Better consider the step long and deeply. It is one of the most important issues of life. Above all things else that are kept, keep thy heart with all diligence now. The forces we admit enter for weal or woe. Let us be sure we want them to stay before we unbar the gates. Once in, it will be difficult to expel them, however treacherous they may prove. Even if they are driven out, the fortress may be injured beyond repair. GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.14
The Education First
This is no child’s play, this matter of choosing a companion for life. Better leave it until a reasonably good education is acquired. This will bring us to a proper age for marriage. If a man, one should be twenty-five years of age; if a woman, at least twenty-one. Authorities agree that not until this age are the physical powers sufficiently mature to properly discharge the grave responsibilities of married life. Nor is the judgment sufficiently well equipped. And this emphasizes the necessity of deferring this step until the education is complete. We shall need all the judgment and wisdom a good education is likely to give to select wisely a companion for life, or properly to manage one after the selection is made. And we shall need just as much wisdom to know when and how to managed. GCB May 30, 1913, page 204.15
Select Your Business First
Prudence also would indicate that it is wise to defer marriage until the life work has been selected and fairly well established. It is but reasonable to suppose that one’s companion should be in sympathy with one’s work and a true helper in the successful accomplishment of that work. But if the companion be selected first and the work afterward, it is a mere chance if they fit well together. To the man, even after the life work and the companion have been selected there comes an additional reason why the marriage should be deferred until his business is fairly prosperous. He ought to have something to offer his wife as a token of his love and of his worth. It need not be much, but it ought to be at least enough to prove his ability to provide a respectable living. It need not be a costly home, but it should be at least the earnest of a cozy nest for the birdlings that are to be. And yet I would not insist too strongly upon this principle; for even the birds teach us to unite in building the nest. It is not best to press a comparison too far. I think, however, that the superiority of the bird’s instinct over man’s is sufficient to confirm our first conclusion. No prospective father bird ever failed to provide a suitable home for his wife and little ones. Some men have. GCB May 30, 1913, page 205.1
Be Not Unequally Yoked
This discussion of the keeping of the heart in its relation to the life issue of marriage cannot properly close without reference to the exhortation of Scripture, “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” The principle is broad enough to include other relations, but it is especially applicable to marriage and to matters of religion. By “unbelievers” evidently are meant those who do not believe in and love Jehovah, the true God, and who do not trust in Jesus Christ, his Son, for salvation; and to those who do not believe in the present truth; and the exhortation, or rather command, is given men or women who do thus believe. The wisdom of the requirement is apparent The marriage relation should be one of closest sympathy and union; else how can the “twain become one flesh”? But how can those who radically disagree in belief in regard to vital questions be of one heart and soul, as man and wife should be? There are, indeed, some men and women broad minded or indifferent enough to grant to a companion liberty of conscience and religious belief; but are toleration and indifference a proper basis for the building which man and wife have covenanted to erect?—Nay, verily. It needs the most perfect union and the warmest sympathy to complete this work properly. GCB May 30, 1913, page 205.2
Whose cast of mind shall the children inherit, whose example follow, the father’s or mother’s? If either or both, there is ground for alarm. A house divided against itself cannot stand. These considerations emphasize the importance of delaying marriage until the persons become settled in their religious belief, and then choosing in harmony with that belief; for whoever enters the marriage relation with one of opposite belief, or of no belief, not only goes contrary to the Word of God, but as a result invites disunion and sorrow into the life. GCB May 30, 1913, page 205.3
Rarely indeed does a believing wife or husband win an unbelieving companion to Christ. Rarely are promises made before marriage to gain the object of desire carried out after the object is gained. There is, of course, the possibility, but it is not strong enough to warrant the risk. Let the unbelieving party first believe, apart from the consideration of marriage, and demonstrate his faith by his life. Then, and not till then, should two dare the risk of uniting life with life. GCB May 30, 1913, page 205.4
But sometimes after marriage one of two unbelievers accepts Christ, or one of the contracting persons, believer or unbeliever, changes his or her belief. The only course then to be pursued is for both persons to make the best of the situation, exercising wisdom and patience, each mutually agreeing to grant full liberty of conscience to the other. GCB May 30, 1913, page 205.5
Important Extracts
The following extracts upon marriage from an author and lecturer of international reputation should be carefully. GCB May 30, 1913, page 205.6
THE EVENING SERVICE
May 28, 7:30 P. M.
A STEREOPTICON lecture was given by Elder J. L. Shaw, of India. On the stand with him were several missionaries in native costume, showing the dress of men and women of India and Burma. Brief explanations were made, giving the audience a vivid conception of the mode and manner of dress in those lands. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.1
Pictures were then thrown on the screen illustrating the interesting features of those wonderful lands. Elder Shaw very feelingly set before his hearers the sad, dark condition of India and Burma. This was forcibly illustrated by a view that showed heathen India in black, with a small square in light to represent the evangelized portion of that great field. This in itself was a powerful appeal for the prayers and consecrated service of Christian people. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.2
A NOTE TO OUR READERS
The Review and Herald Office reports a large list of subscribers to the BULLETIN. At times it is difficult to mail all the papers on the day of issue. Unfortunately, it is impossible to mail papers out of the Takoma Park post-office on Sunday, hence two or three days will sometimes intervene between the receipt of one paper and the next. The greatest possible care has been exercised in the preparation of the lists, and the mailing department is well organized; and it is hoped that but few errors will occur. Those who do not receive their paper every day regularly, will understand that delays are unavoidable, and will occur occasionally, even when the Review Office has done its part promptly. We trust, however, that all will receive the numbers in due time. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.3
MARRYING UNBELIEVERS
(Concluded from page 205)
considered by all who contemplate taking the important step which will affect not only this life but the next:— GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.4
“He [Satan] is busily engaged in influencing those who are wholly unsuited to each other to unite their interests. He exults in this work, for by it he can produce more misery and hopeless woe to the human family than by exercising his skill in any other direction.” GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.5
“If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated. Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life, both in this world and the world to come.” GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.6
Doubtless those who assigned this topic designed to have something definite presented in regard to the extent to which the evil of marrying unbelievers prevails among our young people, and also to have some suggestions made as to how the evil may be restrained. Indeed, the department made an effort to secure reliable information upon the subject by sending blanks to the secretaries of the Missionary Volunteer departments of all the conferences, requesting them to obtain information bearing upon the question from six representative churches in their respective conferences. This effort was only partially successful. The secretaries found it difficult to obtain information and the time was too short for the work. Only eight conferences responded, with statistics from twenty-seven churches. In these churches there were in 1900, 216 young people; in 1907, 593. At present there are 632, a gain of 416. During the same period 226 have departed from the faith, 50 of them, or over 22 per cent, because of marrying unbelievers. Perhaps these facts, gathered from a few sources, may serve as a just indication of the general condition. If so, it is certain that hundreds of our young people are lost to the cause, if not lost for eternity, from this reason alone, although I would have been prepared to learn that the proportion is much greater. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.7
What, then, can be done to save this large number who make shipwreck of their faith upon the rock of unwise marriage? The answer may be summed up in one word—education. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.8
Let this education begin in the home. Let knowledge concerning the great questions of life and the relations of the sexes be given by parents to their children as soon as their questions indicate that their minds are inquiring about these matters, and let the confidence thus established between parent and child be continued all the way along, through conversation and reading until the youth have passed the crisis of their lives and are happily married in the Lord to those who will be a real help to them in the cause of God. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.9
Let this education be continued by teachers, partially through confidential conversations, rarely by means of public address, by those competent to perform the task chastely and wisely, but chiefly by directing students to good books, with which our school libraries should be universally supplied, frankly and openly, and not with an air of concealment or mystery. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.10
Let the departments of Educational and Missionary Volunteers cooperate with these agencies by publishing leaflets upon these subjects, and by searching out and recommending to the homes and to the schools suitable books for promoting the education of our youth in these vital subjects. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.11
Finally, let all rise above the prejudice that keeps the natural educators of our youth from giving them the instruction about themselves which they need and must have, and which, if they cannot obtain in correct form and from pure sources, they are bound to get in false and distorted form through evil associations. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.12
By these means, we may not be able to save all our young people from unwise and disastrous marriages; but I do know from experience that we shall be able to direct the feet of many into that pathway which leads to the highest and purest bliss this world affords—a congenial and happy married life. GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.13
A CORRECTION
IN number 11 of the BULLETIN, last page, eighteen lines from bottom of last column, for “Elder Westphal” read “Brother Trummer.” GCB May 30, 1913, page 208.14
PHOTO-THE WASHINGTON SANITARIUM