Counsels on Relationships
Counsel #19 — Gas-Lit
Picture: Counsel #19 — Gas-Lit CR 87.1
The foundation of Christian communication is truth, love, and respect—the opposite of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where one person tries to make another question their own thoughts, feelings, or experiences. It often involves denial, blame-shifting, and twisting the truth to maintain control or avoid responsibility.12 CR 87.2
For example, imagine a friend tells you that the sarcastic comment you made about their outfit hurt their feelings. Instead of acknowledging their emotions and apologizing, you respond with, "Stop being so sensitive. I was just joking, and you’re overreacting." This response dismisses their emotions, making them doubt their own perception of the situation. They could have been triggered due to not having the money to afford nice clothes, and this response would just push them further over the edge. Instead of manipulating others, Christians are called to listen with empathy, validate feelings, and engage in open dialogue. By rejecting gaslighting and choosing truthful, respectful communication, Christians can promote healing and glorify God in their interactions. CR 87.3
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” Ephesians 4:25 NIV CR 87.4
“Satan is jubilant when he hears the professed followers of Christ making excuses for their deformity of character.” Ellen White in The Desire of Ages, p. 311 CR 87.5
Reflect: How can you ensure you’re not gaslighting others, even unintentionally? CR 87.6