Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #27 — Authentic Forgiveness

Picture: Counsel #27 — Authentic Forgiveness CR 385.1

Just like a deep wound on the body needs time, care, and sometimes repeated cleaning before it fully heals, the heart also needs to go through a process to recover from an offense. You can put a bandage over a cut to hide it, but if infection lingers underneath, the pain will eventually resurface. CR 385.2

Forgiveness works the same way. Ignoring the issue might seem to work for a time, but the underlying hurt will keep showing up in your thoughts, emotions, and actions. One way to know if unforgiveness remains in your heart is to pay attention to your reactions. Does your stomach tighten when the person’s name is mentioned? Does a wave of anger or sadness still rise when you think about what happened? Do you find yourself replaying the offense to prove to yourself or others that your feelings are justified? If so, these are signs that the wound isn’t fully healed. The good news is that God doesn’t expect you to pretend like the situation didn’t happen. The only expectation is to let go and let God. Over time, you’ll know you’ve truly forgiven when you can pray for instead of against the person who hurt you.^[409] CR 385.3

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” Matthew 5:44 NIV CR 385.4

“Like Christ we shall forgive our enemies.” Ellen White in Sons and Daughters of God , p. 90 CR 385.5

Reflect: Have you truly forgiven everyone who has hurt you? CR 385.6