Counsels on Relationships

Counsel #24 — Forgive, Not Forget

Picture: Counsel #24 — Forgive, Not Forget CR 382.1

In Biblical times, Israel was taught that forgiveness was seen as an act of obedience to God. Today we often treat forgiveness as a transaction dependent on the other person’s attitude. During His crucifixion, Jesus’ actions made it clear that forgiveness flows from our relationship with God, not from the worthiness of the offender.^[405] CR 382.2

Sometimes “forgive and forget” is often misunderstood. Scripture never asks us to erase our memory of harm as if it never happened. This is not realistic. It may be hard to believe, but forgiveness should be immediate because it’s a personal choice to release the offense. However, “forgetting” means we choose not to harbor grudges or bitterness against the offender. But trusting again, however, is a separate matter. Trust is rebuilt slowly and through repeated actions that demonstrate integrity and change. In real life, this means you can forgive a coworker who lied to you, even if you don’t trust them again until they consistently show honesty. Additionally, you can forgive a family member who hurt you, while still taking wise precautions to guard against repeated harm. Forgiveness opens the door to peace. Restored trust can reopen the door to a relationship.^[406] CR 382.3

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NIV CR 382.4

“Like Christ we shall forgive our enemies.” Ellen White in Sons and Daughters of God, p. 90 CR 382.5

Reflect: How can you choose to genuinely forgive someone while still setting healthy boundaries to prevent future harm? CR 382.6