Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 7 (1891-1892)

Lt 57, 1891

Children; Olsen, Brother and Sister

St. Helena, California

October 12, 1891

Portions of this letter are published in 4Bio 18.

Dear children, Bro. and Sister Olsen:

I have been waiting, hoping that I should hear something certain from Sawyer, but am disappointed. I think something may have come to Healdsburg and we will get it today if they send it over. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 1

May Walling and I came here last Friday. I was getting so weak and my head so dizzy and confused, I was alarmed about myself. We just gathered up our things, got [a] young, steady horse and undertook the journey. Will was in Oakland and he left word that he would meet me in St. Helena if I thought best to go over. I thought I must arouse myself and do something and I endured the journey better than I expected. Slept well that night. Was very weak Sabbath, but I had told them I would speak, and I did speak, and the Lord gave me strength and power. The chapel was full and all seemed much gratified. Many patients were out to hear. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 2

That night I slept little and yesterday again was very weak, but not as dizzy. Took general bath and massage, May treating me. Rode to the farm, but it tired me. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 3

I gave out an appointment to speak last night and the Lord strengthened me. The chapel was full. If this is the way I am to recover my health I shall not object. But I am weak, very weak, and it keeps on me so long. I am considering, Can it be my duty to go to Australia? Shall I not meet the same objections in the Sanctuary line in Australia that I met in Switzerland? What can I do? I am presenting the case before the Lord, and I believe He will guide me. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 4

This wicked work of W. B. Walling has tolled wonderfully upon my strength physically and upon my courage. I thought I had enough to bear in the attitude of our own managers at Battle Creek. This has been a constant grief to my soul, and then the course of W. B. Walling, without one shadow of cause, has led me to feel that this is of the same piece of some other things I have met among those at Battle Creek who make great profession of believing that God has given me a special work. Everything seems combined to strip me bare of every earthly treasure. Perhaps this is the last great trial to come to me. Not the loss of earthly things is a trial, but the revealing of hearts. If they would deal with me in this way, what will they do with others? 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 5

The Lord will give me rest, as He gave my husband rest. I can say I am encompassed on every side. I would just as soon fall into the hands of those who know not and fear not God as into the hands of those who claim to be righteous, who are not what they claim to be, who think they are governed by principle, but who have not that connection with God that they know His mind and can discern His will. It can be said of their selfish movement, Justice has fallen in the street and equity cannot enter. I want no dealing with them if I can possibly avoid it. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 6

The Lord must and will cleanse the Board of some who are not fit to be there, as He cleansed the temple of the lawyers and the sellers. There has come in a hard spirit, an unchristianlike spirit, a sharpness in dealing. God calls it dishonesty and they would make me the subject as soon as any other one; but it is wrong from beginning to end, from the first to the last. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 7

This matter has been opened before me so many times that I know what I am talking about. I am sorry that they are acting over the very same things for which Aldrich was reproved, his son set in darkness, and unless there are men in responsible positions who have a right spirit in their management, the Lord will permit the ones who will not reform to go on until they reveal the spirit that controls in their management. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 8

Well, I am sorry to write these things. There will be desperate efforts made for apparent success, but if the right spirit is not controlling the heart, there will be many things interwoven into the work that are an offense to God. The inward consecration is not there. The divine must mingle with the human in order to bear the image and superscription of the heavenly. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 9

I do so long for peace and rest. Look at the character of my work since I left Europe—constant conflict, constantly to meet and battle with unseen and undiscerned evils, and I am tired. I long for rest. If I could see you, I would read to you some things that undesignedly I brought with me that were written in May 1881, a few months prior to my husband’s death. But I have no strength to copy the matter. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 10

Willie came from Oakland last night. I have borne a very straight, decided testimony here and to same effect. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 11

Dr. Burke is feeling more deeply than he has done before that he is not wise enough to be the one controlling power here in St. Helena. He now sees that a Board of Directors is a good thing, and one man’s mind and one man’s judgment are not sufficient to control everything. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 12

I had to speak and had to write in my sickness here, laying out God’s revealed will in plain lines before this institution, and Brother Burke is seeing things in altogether a different light. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 13

Much love. 7LtMs, Lt 57, 1891, par. 14