Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 6 (1889-1890)

Lt 89, 1890

Children

Oakland, California

April 29, 1890

Previously unpublished.

Dear Children:

Seated on the bed, I will pen a few lines to you. I could not attend meetings except on Sunday. Monday I went in forenoon, but that was the end. A storm was coming and I was sick all the afternoon, in a distressing fever all night. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 1

Today is cloudy. It is now five o’clock. Burke telegraphed he could not attend—critical cases with patients. Church here only this forenoon and will be at the meeting in the evening. I have done literally nothing, and tomorrow morning I go to St. Helena. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 2

The showing for the institute is four thousand dollars above expenses this past year. We have not seen Burke, but I understand he desires to manage, himself, saving the expense of a superintendent, in harmony with the Board of Directors. He says he must have this much control, else he will not undertake to run the Health Retreat. All say he keeps everything kind and smooth. [He] is very strict on [the] Health diet question and says it will be just as much the duty of the conference to place a chaplain at St. Helena to keep up the moral tone of the institute. A judicious person, he thinks, could do [as] much good as on any missionary soil, and he thinks it will pay fourfold. He wants to obtain the farm Bro. Harmon is on and employ a hand to take care of the cows and make them pay their way. He has, at Napa, twelve good cows on a hired ranch. We now pay, he says, twenty-six hundred dollars a year for milk purchased. He says he must have every leak stopped. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 3

I think Bro. Biter is determined not to go back unless he takes his wife as matron with him. Dr. Burke says he has to contrive every way to keep the patients. He is sedate and stern. We talked the matter over with our brethren. They say, let him try it under a board of directors. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 4

I have been so weak, unable to scarcely taste of food for about three weeks, that I can scarcely walk. I ate with a better relish this noon. Everything has been done with a cheerfulness and a tenderness that has touched my heart. Now, Willie, comes the Oregon question. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 5

Now I cannot see the least light in taking that journey. When I said I would go, I expected to be able to do so; but my sickness has taken my strength and causes me great suffering. Every change of weather there is congestion of the left lung and I awake in the night sneezing, sneezing, and then it is cough, cough, cough. Then it is headache. So it is with me. We have fog and cold weather here, and the air is as a rasp to my lungs. My food—although as simple as a cup of milk, a bowl of farina and a little milk, greens sometimes, and a variety of things—I dare not touch. Hours after eating they are not digested and fever comes up. I think it is malaria. It is not safe for me to go into the south any time in the year except in winter. I find I was not safe at all this early in the spring coming across the alkali plains. We all had a bitter taste and all the food we ate was bitter, while at Fresno. This is now passing away. I have taken a bath nearly every day, for I had chills; then when the fever came a hot bath rested me. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 6

I try not to think about anything, but to keep my mind off of every subject that is tiresome. I am so helpless I can do nothing. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 7

Now I write to [ask] you what you thought of my going to the Yosemite. I hope you will answer me. I asked in a letter sent to you at Battle Creek what you thought of my going east in answer to Bro. Robinson’s call. He urges me [to] attend the camp meetings on June 24. I think I shall know better, when I see how I am to be. I do not have energy to make any exertion after going out Sabbath and speaking, which I am satisfied did me much harm. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 8

The brethren have cancelled me some and I feel that there is danger of sending off workers that are far more necessary at home missions. The disaffection against Eld. Loughborough is far and wide. M. J. Church and Eld. [E. P.] Daniels and the many who are full of criticism are gathering up every tidbit of evil and scattering it like thistle down. We see confidence needs to be established in C. H. Jones about as much as in Eld. Loughborough. The Publishing Department comes out six or eight thousand dollars in debt. Men cannot all be moved to other places and [leave] the work Satan wants so much to destroy [to] run itself. The college, I think, could not be much worse and have an existence. The mission in Los Angeles is very low and many are talking [that] it better be closed, but Otto is trying to give it some strength. He is liked there. What M. J. Church will do remains to be seen. He is a hard ticket, unfit, wholly unfit, to be Elder, but clings to the position like ... [incomplete sentence.] 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 9

If I had strength I could write more fully, but I drop this line that you may not get anxious about me. I am in the hands of God. Let Him do with me as seemeth good in His sight. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 10

But what to say! It is time something was said. Looking at appearance, I should say it is presumptuous for me to attend even one camp meeting, for I cannot see the churches and the people before me, when I am so intensely interested for them that I forget I have so little strength; and then hours of weakness and nervous prostration are the result. I have hardly dared express this, fearing that it would savor of complaining or of unbelief. The wave that struck me in that depot eight miles from Plano has seemed to shatter me to pieces as if it were a cyclone. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 11

Tomorrow morning early on [the] first train we go to St. Helena, and Bro. Ings goes with us. There I shall remain until I am improved. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 12

Mother.

I think of dear Mary and her children and all friends. 6LtMs, Lt 89, 1890, par. 13

Mother.