Letters and Manuscripts — Volume 2 (1869 - 1875)

Lt 40, 1874

White, J. S.

Battle Creek, Michigan

July 8, 1874

Portions of this letter are published in 2Bio 435-437; 9MR 319.

Dear Husband:

We do not forget to pray for you. I have not been to the office yet. It is so excessively hot. I dare not exercise much. If I do walk, even a short distance, I look as though I was boiling with heat. I intend to go to the office tomorrow. Tonight Sister Booth and myself go to the post office to secure the money upon a post office letter. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 1

I am trying to draw nigh to God. I receive great comfort in prayer. I feel so thankful for the evidence that God hears and blesses me, unworthy as I am. I never felt so entirely free from hurry and nervousness as for the last four weeks. The blessing of God has been indeed precious to me. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 2

I know that there is nothing of so great importance as to be getting ready for heaven, nothing but the righteousness of Christ can entitle us to the blessings reserved for the redeemed. I am trying most earnestly to commit my all to Him without one reservation. Faith in Jesus’ efficacious blood is my only hope, my only stronghold. Jesus is a faithful Saviour. I love His name. I love His cross. I love His Word. I shall never be ashamed while I trust in Him. The promise He has given me, He has signed and sealed with His own blood. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 3

July 9

I attended conference meeting last evening. Brother Smith talked excellently well. I spoke upon faith and I realized the blessing of God resting upon me as I talked. Many good testimonies were borne. I shall try to help the church in every way I can; but the warm weather cuts me down considerably. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 4

I have found great comfort in these promises of God. “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” John 15:7. Precious indeed is this promise. The Word of God is pledged on the condition of obedience and prayer. I am daily seeking for fresh evidences of the love and power of God. I earnestly desire my will to be swallowed up in His will. God will not leave me to walk in darkness when I try to follow the course He has marked out, and do those things which are pleasing in His sight. I feel more and more every day that I have no time to lose. I must bear my testimony to others and work earnestly to get before others the light which God has given me. I do not feel that I am my own, but bought with a price. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 5

The claims that God has upon me I feel deeply, and I mean to answer them as far as possible. I will not allow feelings of sadness and depression to destroy my usefulness. I do not forget you. I feel deeply sorry that you have things in your mind just as they are in regard to me. I can say I know you view things in a perverted light. I have in the past felt so depressed and saddened with the thought that it might be so, that life has seemed a burden. But I don’t feel so now. Whatever you may feel and whatever thoughts you may have shall not swerve me from believing and trusting in God. Things seem an unexplainable mystery—that you cannot find rest and peace unless you succeed in bringing me into positions I cannot see and cannot possibly submit to be placed in. I see no consistency or generosity in this, only a feeling prompted by selfishness in persistently dwelling upon things that tend to alienate our hearts rather than to unite them. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 6

I long for perfect union, but I cannot purchase it at the expense of my conscience; but if you feel that God is leading you in dwelling upon the things you have dwelt upon in your letters, I will try to feel all right towards you. Of course I cannot feel that thorough satisfaction and confidence that you are being led of the Lord. I can but feel that the enemy is making you miserable by keeping your mind upon matters that are of no profit, but only an injury. I want you to be happy. Your health and life depend upon your being happy and cheerful. No matter what course others pursue, this need not have such all-controlling power over your mind. Just as long as you will let the wrongs or supposed wrongs of others depress and dishearten you, you will have enough of this business to attend to. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 7

Satan sees your weakness in this respect, and he will make every effort to attack you just where he has succeeded so often. He means to worry out your life upon these points. God wants you to live, and to keep your mind free, that He may make you a channel of light and communicate His light through you to others. Satan knows that you can be a great encouragement to the people of God. Satan knows all he has to do is to work upon the minds of some who are not living in the light, and get your mind exercised in regard to them, and then his object is gained. I have been shown that very many pages have been written, dwelling upon the inconsistency of others and filled with your own discouragements, while Satan was exulting because your pen was not tracing lines that God could sanction and bless, and cause to react upon you in great and precious blessings, giving you sweet and precious peace which passeth knowledge. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 8

God has given you a pen which should never be used to discourage and dishearten His people. Light, precious light, from His presence He will let beam upon you to be imparted to others, if you will only resist the temptations of the devil to write and talk out your feelings of trial, your temptations, and your discouragements. You might have written volumes upon subjects of present truth which would be immortalized by saving souls, while your time and pen have been employed in scattering clouds of darkness because you happened to feel dark. God could not and did not bless you in this work, and you were sinking yourself lower and lower while you were giving utterance to feelings and impressions which were the temptations of the enemy. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 9

God wants you to live. I want you to live and I want that our last days shall be our very best days. My heart is sad many times; yes, every time I think of you. How can I be otherwise? 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 10

This morning at three o’clock, I called Brother and Sister Gaskill and Willie to go out about five miles to pick cherries. I remain alone till afternoon, when they will return. I have no desire to go on any pleasure excursion without you. I do not care to go anywhere only where duty seems to call; but I do not mean that Satan shall succeed in destroying my usefulness because I know that my husband has so erroneous a view of me. I have work enough to do in writing and in visiting those who are sick and afflicted, who are in sorrow and distress. I have a testimony also to bear to God’s people, and I shall go forward clinging to the hand of my dear Saviour, for He is exceedingly precious to me. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 11

I shall not walk alone or in darkness. I have perfect confidence in God, for I have had my trust and faith greatly strengthened upon this journey. If we have to walk apart the rest of the way, do let us not seek to pull each other down. I do believe it is best for our labors to be disconnected and we each lean upon God for ourselves. I am writing some every day, doing all I can. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 12

In much love, I remain, 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 13

Your Ellen.

P.S. Since writing this letter to you, Brother Amadon has called and made inquiry in regard to the articles upon redemption in type at the office. He says twenty-four pages are up, and they need the type very much. There is enough to complete the first form, with that which is published in the Signs of the Times. Shall we set enough to make a form and strike it off and release the type? Please answer immediately. Tell me how many pages you have of the same matter yet unpublished. I will try to finish it up and send the matter to you after I have done all I can with it. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 14

In haste. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 15

P.S. Sister Booth went with me to post office. Received money post order all right. 2LtMs, Lt 40, 1874, par. 16