Christian Experience and Teachings of Ellen G. White


Rising Above Despondency

The first night after reaching the place of meeting, despondency pressed upon me. I tried to overcome it, but it seemed impossible to control my thoughts. My little ones burdened my mind. We had left one in the State of Maine two years and eight months old, and another babe in New York nine months old. We had just performed a tedious journey in great suffering, and I thought of those who were enjoying the society of their children in their own quiet homes. I reviewed our past life, calling to mind expressions which had been made by a sister only a few days before, who thought it must be very pleasant to be riding through the country without anything to trouble me. It was just such a life as she could delight in. At that very time my heart was yearning for my children, especially my babe in New York, and I had just come from my sleeping room, where I had been battling with my feelings, and with many tears had besought the Lord for strength to subdue all murmuring, and that I might cheerfully deny myself for Jesus’ sake. In this state of mind I fell asleep, and dreamed that a tall angel stood by my side and asked me why I was sad. I related to him the thoughts that had troubled me, and said, “I can do so little good, why may we not be with our children, and enjoy their society?” Said he: “You have given to the Lord two beautiful flowers, the fragrance of which is as sweet incense before Him, and is more precious in His sight than gold or silver, for it is a heart gift. It draws upon every fiber of the heart as no other sacrifice can. You should not look upon present appearances, but keep the eye single to your duty, single to God's glory, and follow in His opening providence, and the path shall brighten before you. Every self-denial, every sacrifice, is faithfully recorded, and will bring its reward.” CET 134.1